Teaching Children

As a parent there are so many, many things we want to teach our children.

There are many more things that we should teach them.

And then there are all the tidbits that we accidentally (and often unfortunately) teach our kids.

Sitting down and putting to much thought into this parental responsibility can become overwhelming.

Personally, I find it helps to remember that so long as you hit upon the basics:

how to care for animals…Jane and chicken

…how to get along with others…Ivy and Clara in crick

…and how to build a good dam…sandles by dam … that they are likely to turn out just fine!

Evil or Genius?

Yesterday after dinner I came up with my most brilliant mothering move ever.

As I handed over Ivy’s chocolate Easter bunny as a reward for a clean plate I said: “Just so you know you should always let your mom eat your chocolate bunny’s ears or it’s bad luck.”

Ivy: “What do you mean bad luck?”

Me: “You’ll never find your Easter basket next year if you eat your own ears, you have to let your mom do it.”

Ivy headed back to the table chocolate bunny in hand looking thoughtful and unconvinced but moments later she was back, presenting me with her bunny so I could eat the ears for her. As she took her ear-less rabbit back to the table she explained the situation to Clara and I was gifted with another set of ears.

The Easter bunny had splurged, those were some damn fine chocolate ears.

I figure if I can keep this up for the next few years I’ll have them brainwashed before they start thinking about it too much and I’ll have three sets of chocolate ears to look forward to every year.

It could be pointed out that my girls are smart and may start questioning this “bad luck” thing. But, I would in turn point out that there are few depths that I wouldn’t sink to for some good chocolate and I have a direct line to the Easter Bunny – we can make a basket very hard to find.

Full of my great scheme (and chocolate) I told John what I had done and he called me all sorts of rotten names and threatened to out me to the kids.

Later a friend who had witnessed the brilliance of my bunny ear munching told me she was very impressed.

What do you think? Was this the most genius chocolate ear stealing scheme ever, or am I an evil chocaholic who knows no boundaries?

Being the Dad

I’ve always thought that being a dad seemed like a good gig. As in my original post on the matter (Mother’s Day) I could elaborate on that but, out of respect for those dad’s who read this, I won’t.

John has always been a great dad. And while his daughters all love him and love doing things with him, lately something very interesting has been happening between him and his youngest girl.John and Jane confused

When John leaves Jane cries or frantically waves goodbye over and over and over again.

When he returns Jane rushes to greet him as soon as she hears his voice.

If I’m carrying Jane through the house she will attempt to leap from my arms to his as we pass.

When John puts her to bed he sings her to sleep and she cuddles in and falls asleep in his arms in a way that she never does for me.

Recently Jane was having a bad night, a double ear infection kind of a bad night, and I had been up rocking her and singing to her and while she was settled down in my lap she wasn’t happy and she wasn’t sleeping. After awhile John came in the room to check on us, (added proof of great dad-idness). Jane crawled off my lap, crawled across the floor and pulled on his pants until he picked her up where she snuggled right into his shoulder.

Clearly I had been dismissed.

I crawled back into my own bed as I thought to myself “So, this is what it’s like to be the dad? Yup, I was right, it’s awesome!” and smiled as I fell back asleep.

Keeping Us Humble

Kids, they take a perfectly good life and provide all sorts of perspective.
They cure you of selfishness, refute that silly fallacy that you need eight hours of sleep to function and keep you humble.

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Ivy: Wow Mom, your butt covers the whole hole on the toilet! (Put that at reason number 634 I need to get a better lock on the bathroom door.)

Clara: “Who that? That not Dad, that boy handsome!”

Kids- keeping us humble since 2007.

Loud Issues

When Clara and Ivy are playing unless bodily harm seems imminent we leave them alone to figure out their own differences. For the most part they manage to play together, work together and resolve their troubles without help. There are of course times when one or the other comes to us in tears and we have to step in and moderate.  Since we’ve been having trouble with hitting and pushing lately the moderating has been happening quite a bit more frequently.

We are saving money by having the girls wear the same clothes. We are saving time by making them wear them at the same time to reduce the amount of laundry.

This afternoon I heard the start of their spat at the sandbox from in the house while I was putting Jane down for a nap.  As I bent over to lay Jane in her crib it escalated into screaming, shrieking and crying and Clara flew into the house yelling like she’d been mortally wounded. Since Clara often screams like she’s been mortally wounded but has never actually been in that condition I wasn’t too worried.  But, wounded or not, the screaming had woken Jane up and my attention was needed downstairs. Now, I suspect that spat occurred not over a yellow plastic shovel like they claim but purely because their little sister was almost asleep.  It’s like some sort of eerie siren song.  When I’m putting Jane to sleep as soon as I stand to lay her down in the crib everyone runs to me with their issues.  LOUD issues. Dogs bark, the cat pukes, the phone rings with advice on how I should vote in the upcoming election, John has questions and children who have been playing quietly for hours start beating on each other and run to me crying.

It’s possible that the frantic, one armed, gesticulating to get out while silently yelling “Go away!” that they receive isn’t the friendliest reception, but seriously, can’t anyone see that “I’M TRYING TO PUT THE BABY TO SLEEP?!”

Ahem, anyways….where was I? Oh yes…

Clara comes into the house screaming.

Jane wakes up.

Ivy follows Clara into the house yelling.

I go downstairs and tell the girls to stay put.

I head back upstairs get the baby to sleep.

Finally I go back downstairs to ask what happened.

There they are still sitting in their chairs at the table where I told them to stay happily playing together.  I have to interrupt the new game to ask what all the fighting was about and with frightening nonchalance I hear:

Clara: “I hit Ivy two times and then she pushed me out of the sandbox.”

Ivy: “Clara hit me, I told her to go away and she didn’t leave fast enough so I pushed her out of the sandbox.”

I had just started to make obligatorily parental noises about behavior, and ways to solve arguments when they asked if they could go back outside and keep playing yet.  I looked at my two happy girls, who were barely paying attention to me because they were still trying to secretly play with each other, agreed and they disappeared all giggles out the door.

Rain puddles after a May storm are fun, but chilly, gotta wear a hat!

Which left me standing in the kitchen with a spinning head.

Did what I think happened just happen?

Was this all just because Jane was going to fall asleep and cosmic forces conspired against their happy play forcing them into a noisy fight?

Is there any way of impressing on your children that they should stop beating on each other when after four minutes neither of them care any longer?

Or is it yet another example that I should learn from of the way kids live in the moment and can let bygones be bygones at the drop of a hat.

I thought about it, decided that parenting philosophy, cosmic forces and moral issues were all beyond me this afternoon, grabbed a Diet Coke and sat down in my quite house to enjoy it while it lasted.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Sun

Weekly Photo Challenge: Sun

I love looking around at life through the “lens” of the week’s theme.

I love that I’m taking more pictures, playing with my camera settings and challenging myself to do it all without Photoshop (at least for that one picture!). Life is always full of obligatory challenges and  it’s been nice to be able to choose a challenge for a change! But, life being what it is there are also nights, like tonight, where there are unexpected challenges with the photos.

When you try to take a picture while simultaneously attempting to calm down the baby you’ve upset by the sudden change of position and arguing with the two year old over who gets the one particular dandelion amongst the hundred or so available, the challenge part of the photo challenge takes on a whole new meaning.

But, after I snapped my picture and Clara picked the contested flower for her bouquet I watched her blow her dandelion seed heads and remembered another challenge of mine.

To slow down.

To remember that even though the kids might make things take a little bit longer, make life a little bit messier and a bit more frustrating, that I need to take a deep breath, slow down and let them in.

Because when I do, it’s always just a little bit better.

And if it takes looking at life through a camera lens to remember that, I guess I’ll just have to keep snapping photos!

Naughty or Nice?

Ivy has been having a rough few days. I’m not sure if she’s got a bit of the virus that’s going around,  if she’s over excited, or if she’s just turning into a monster. Whatever is happening I’ve yet to figure out why it’s happening or how best to deal with it which has resulted in a trying few days for everyone.

Today I got desperate and brought Santa Clause into the conversation. We had a little chat about what happens if you are nice and and what happens if you are naughty. It was mentioned that with her current behavior Santa would only bring coal and rocks and sticks for her stocking. Ivy was quite for a moment and then said: “That’s OK if Santa brings me sticks I can play with Storm with them!”

I need a new plan.

Scattered

Apparently I’ve turned into a scatter brained mother.

I’m blaming it on my kids.

It’s the only explanation I can come up with. I never used to have a focusing problem, well except when I was supposed to be writing a paper or studying for some giant test and would instead decide that I HAD to clean my room first. But that wasn’t a focus problem, more like an evasion technique.  I very much enjoy having time to work on one project and keep working on it until it is done. It is one of the things I MISS in my life since having children. I used to eat meals hours late just so I could finish up what I was doing and check another job of the list. So explain to me this morning…

This morning I am blissfully alone, John is out sitting in a tree with a friend and the girls are at their grandparents. I got to sleep in, although just to what time I got to sleep in is hard to say what with Daylight Savings Time messing with life again, but that’s a whole different story.Then I decided I should make some sweet potato muffins for breakfast so that there would be some to share when John and his friend finally get blown out of their trees and until they got here I would work on one of my Christmas presents I’m making. 

So I…

-checked the computer and found it was stalled out

-restarted the computer

-started water for tea

-started fire

-checked on computer

-preheated oven

-made tea

-checked fire

-did outside chores

-ate leftovers for breakfast while checking e-mail

-remembered the muffins and the preheated oven

-got half the ingredients ready

-realized I hadn’t fed the dogs

-fed the dogs

-let the dogs out

-washed three dishes

-continued making the muffins

-let Piper back in

-put the muffins in a tin without little paper liners, (why I do not know, I love paper liners, muffins should always have paper liners)

-washed three more dishes

-remembered the project

-sat down on the computer to look up directions

-wrote a blog about how I can’t focus

So back to the children, here is my theory. After multiple years of being unable to focus on any one thing for more than three minutes without hearing; “MOM,” unidentified screaming, or ”Guess What?” I think it’s now just become habit that I must completely change direction in what I am doing every few minutes whether I need to or not. 

Good thing we are picking the girls up tonight so tomorrow morning when it takes me 2 hours to make breakfast I’ve got a good excuse.

Now what was I going to do?

 

Oh The Irony

Last year I posted about my hatred of Halloween.

This year I’ve had close to 600 views of my “Halloween Hater” post from people searching for pumpkin carving patterns.

Oh the irony…

This year I still hate Halloween.

First of all I hate Halloween because I can still never spell it right on the first try.

Secondly I hate it this year because I’ve completely lost my voice today.

Here is what I can report about being voiceless:

-Screamfree parenting is one thing… parenting in whispers and hand signals is too much.

-Puppies do not stop chewing on toys when you whistle, clap or stomp at them across the house.

-Small children do not stop coloring on your new drywall that got installed YESTERDAY when you whistle, clap or stomp at them across the house.

-”They” say that if you talk quite others around you will lower their voice to match yours.

-”They” lie.

Lost voice aside, other preparations for my least favorite holiday are going…… well they are going.

A few weeks ago we made some fun lanterns for the table.

This weekend we did some pumpkin carving.

Now with the big day finally here there are costume wars going on.  Decisions made in the last weeks are suddenly not OK and fights are cropping up. Meanwhile I try to whisper alternatives and peace making strategies and, in a moment of something decidedly not screamfree parenting even without a voice, threaten to cancel trick or treating for my children altogether.

Because if we are all being honest, I’m only in it to steal their candy and I bet I could get a big bag on sale at Wal-Mart tomorrow for at lot less trouble!

Going Screamfree

You know my friend Sarah? She has a blog, Think Big Much. She also recently had another kid, and it’s possible that sweet Liberty has pushed her over the edge and now she is crazy.

Sarah has decided to give up yelling for lent.

This is a wonderful, admirable, challenge, one that as she says “will hopefully improve the lives of my children, my husband and myself for a period longer than 40 days. Maybe even forever.”

But I still think she’s crazy.

And now I have a glass house stone throwing problem. Somehow, something I said over at Think Big Much must have computed  as “I’m up for the challenge”, because I was listed as one of her friends who are joining her… or Sarah is giving me a not so subtle hint.  Not being catholic, I’ve never given up so much as candy for lent, so giving up yelling seems a bit extreme, but I’m afraid I don’t have it in me to back down from such a challenge… so I’m in, and probably crazy too.

Today (I’m counting today as my first official day) went well. We are all feeling better and I only yelled once. It wasn’t really a yelling at so much as a startled oh-my-you-are-dumping-your-whole-bowl-of-soup-on-your-lap sort of yell. In that circumstances I thought a  “CLARA NO!!!!” was totally appropriate!

So I’m not counting it.

Sarah has a very elegantly written post on why she is undertaking this here: http://thinkbigmuch.wordpress.com/2011/03/09/on-decreasing-the-scream-factor/

She actually has reasons beyond stubborn pride, she’s such a good girl!

I also have a review of Screamfree parenting hiding here: Screamfree Parenting by Hal Edward Runkel

Feel free to join us, in this crazy plan…

… crazy, I mean really, a hundred push ups seems approximately a hundred times easier than not yelling at the girls for the next thirty some days!

Sarah has been posting updates on how things are going and I will add my thoughts to hers.

If the crazy bug is catching, feel free to join us, I’m pretty sure this is a good kind of crazy…

…I think…