Oh The Irony

Last year I posted about my hatred of Halloween.

This year I’ve had close to 600 views of my “Halloween Hater” post from people searching for pumpkin carving patterns.

Oh the irony…

This year I still hate Halloween.

First of all I hate Halloween because I can still never spell it right on the first try.

Secondly I hate it this year because I’ve completely lost my voice today.

Here is what I can report about being voiceless:

-Screamfree parenting is one thing… parenting in whispers and hand signals is too much.

-Puppies do not stop chewing on toys when you whistle, clap or stomp at them across the house.

-Small children do not stop coloring on your new drywall that got installed YESTERDAY when you whistle, clap or stomp at them across the house.

-“They” say that if you talk quite others around you will lower their voice to match yours.

-“They” lie.

Lost voice aside, other preparations for my least favorite holiday are going…… well they are going.

A few weeks ago we made some fun lanterns for the table.

This weekend we did some pumpkin carving.

Now with the big day finally here there are costume wars going on.  Decisions made in the last weeks are suddenly not OK and fights are cropping up. Meanwhile I try to whisper alternatives and peace making strategies and, in a moment of something decidedly not screamfree parenting even without a voice, threaten to cancel trick or treating for my children altogether.

Because if we are all being honest, I’m only in it to steal their candy and I bet I could get a big bag on sale at Wal-Mart tomorrow for at lot less trouble!

Halloween Hater Part 2

Another Halloween has come and gone and I can’t say that I’ve converted into a fan.

There have been Halloween’s in the past that were worse.

-There was the year my roommate got into a bar fight and got punched in the face. She only weighed about 100 lbs.

-There was the year I got food poisoning. Thankfully that coincided with the year the swim team was stalking the streets of Stevens Point looking for the wrestling(?) team over some infraction I have since forgotten but it involved a lot of crying girls.  I missed it all and only heard about it the next day, no big loss.

-There was the year I tried to avoid all Halloween related activities. Piper as a very large puppy gave me a black eye that night.

Last night while there were no catastrophe’s I’m not sure the amount of fun had was worth… well, all the rest of it.

The problem stemmed from the fact that I have a three year old.  (If you are unfamiliar with daily life with a three year old or need a refresher Motherhood Uncensored described it fairly well today in Congrats on your 3-year old!) The three year old had a problem with her costume.  It started about an hour before we were reading to go trick or treating and it went like this…

I don’t want one. I do want one. I want to be Pooh. I want to be a fairy. I want to be a princess. I want to be a fairy princess. (At this point I gently nudged us away from the princess line of thought since in the hours before trick or treating I stepped on and smashed her crown, shhhhh don’t tell!) Fairy. I don’t want wings. I don’t want a skirt. I don’t want a wand. I do want all those things. No, I want flowers not a wand. I want all the flowers. I want no flowers. I don’t want shoes.

… get the picture?

Meanwhile I was dressing Clara.  She doesn’t talk.  Some days I love that about her.

Finally I assembled an uncooperative lamb and a fairy in the yard: As I took pictures of the girls in the yard (quickly before someone decided to take her wings back off) I discovered something. Both real sheep and pretend sheep take about two minutes once they hit our property to get burrs in their wool.(No Clara is not picking her nose in all these pictures she’s picking the scab from getting a gigantic sliver in her face after falling in the garden, but that’s a different story)

As I deburred Clara we waited for John. We were waiting because, as everyone knows, the best time to butcher sheep is just before you go trick or treating with your kids…at the last minute he came running to the house changed his clothes looked at me and said, “Now, do I have any blood on my face?” I tried to convince by color blind husband that this was the one night it really didn’t matter… He didn’t care, something about real blood vs. fake blood… in any case we loaded up and headed into town.

When we got there the girls had an hours worth of fun filling their buckets full of candy. That night while John was back outside skinning sheep in the dark (talk about creepy Halloween activities) and I was putting Ivy to bed  I tried to decided if it was worth it.

You know, I’m still not sure, but I can tell you with out a doubt that I love mini Milky Ways!

Halloween Hater

I hate Halloween. It is just too scary for me!

What a wimp, I know, whatever, I can’t help it.

I just have no desire to purposefully scare myself. Scary movies, no thank you. In the brief years we had a TV, I used to try not to watch anything around this time of year. Partly because even regular shows tried to sneak Halloween in, but mostly to avoid the commercials. Even trying to watch the news, or some other innocuous show, ads for horror movies and overly creepy shows would be on everywhere.  Some people have said that perhaps growing up without a TV, I was never “desensitized” to such things.  I am still at a loss as to why it would be a good thing to want to watch horror movies, shows, scary ads on television, or read most of Stephen King’s books…  I don’t even like creepy yard decorations.  In addition to the fact that I think it’s all disgusting, disturbing, not to mention oft times down right frightening on first seeing (or let’s be honest, accidentally seeing….. I avoid these things like the plague) Halloween “stuff,”  it’s the nightmares that get me.

For example last night I spent a super fun evening with friends doing one of the only things related to Halloween that I do enjoy, carving pumpkins.  John and I were way out of our -triangle-circle-oval-face-  league with our pumpkin carving expert friends with their scoopers, saws, books and mad carvings skills. Check out this eyeball!

As I was picking out patterns I rejected one book completely joking the patterns were way too scary for me and bound to give me nightmares.

Apparently I shouldn’t have joked about it.

Maybe my comment gave my subconscious a nasty idea, maybe I am just that wimpy about scary things. Whatever the case last night I had a grade A nightmare, complete with zombie like creatures, faces being ripped off, epic zombie battles, fire breathing dragons, space travel, spies, traitors, and one attacking wild boar. As I struggled to get back to sleep without falling back into the dream I eventually woke John up and made him talk to me with all the lights on. My -I-never-remember-my-dreams-much-less-have-nightmares- husband is fairly supportive in the middle of the night but I think it only strengthens his case that I am indeed a “crackpot.”  Unfortunately John’s patience wore out before I was over my nightmare and he went back to bed. It was then I discovered an upside to crying babies and a kid who plays musical beds in the middle of the night…

…you can’t have a nightmare if you’re not sleeping!

And that was just from carving pumpkins.

I hate Halloween.