I have independent girls.
Sometimes people exclaim how wonderful it must be to have such independent children, I say yes but… Have YOU ever heard your daughter say from two aisles over at the grocery store: “Do you know where my mom is?” This is a normal occurrence for us. Unfortunately the adult being asked where I am is unaware of this and I see a bit of panic in their eyes when I pop around the corner. Because while Ivy may not know where I am she’s pretty easy to keep track of, you just listen for her constant chatter. But I digress…
Some of their independence is just personality. Ivy has always been out and about on her own without a problem, and now that she’s three that’s been taken to a whole new level! Clara also seems to have got some of that same personality. She won’t even let someone hold her hand while she walks, try to do that to help her out and you get rapid head shaking followed by yelling if you persist in trying. Clara is going to do it herself!
Other parts of their independence (particularly Ivy) is a learned thing. My favorite parts of motherhood do NOT include putting on clothes, shoes, socks, jackets, getting glasses of water, finding toys… Therefore the general rule I follow is if she can do it I’m not going to. Which is why last year when Ivy was two I woke up one morning to the sound of firewood being dropped on the floor. I went downstairs to discover my two-year old had gotten up, gone down stairs, put on boots and a jacket and hat, gone out to the porch and brought in a load of firewood.
She was very proud.
I was a bit worried that I was able to sleep through all that.
Truly though I love that Ivy is so self-sufficient and independent. Today as we were getting ready to go to the park I tried to remember that. Last year, I would find the clothes and shoes and things and she would put them on. This year she does it all. The problem is she does it all on a three-year old’s time table (which translates to no timetable or urgency but lots of stories about princesses). As we slowly, slowly got ourselves out the door I thought how easy it could be…
If I found her clothes and put them on her, if I found the socks and shoes and stuffed her feet in them, if I found the toys that were apparently completely necessary for our five minute drive we were taking and if I loaded her into and buckled up her car seat.
It’d take ten minutes.
But when we got to the park would she have played by herself and with Clara while I walked dogs in circles around them? Fixed her shoe by herself? Figured her own way up the unfamiliar ladders? Relentlessly followed other kids around the park talking to them? Maybe. But after the 30 minute struggle to get out the door I like to think that what I’m doing is actually helping her become a better person rather than just torturing all of us.
Besides had Ivy been glued to my side she never would have had the opportunity to excitedly yell across the playground: “MOM! Guess what!? I can get boogers out of my nose with my tongue!”
Clearly this is not a recent picture of Ivy. This is Ivy with her finger up her nose at four months. At four months it’s sort of funny, a current picture of her activities would not be so endearing!
Behind the Willows 
I love these stories! You are a great Mama!
I have been woken up by the outside door slamming shut by a very young boy.
Charlie came up to my room early one morning to share the toasted bagel with cream cheese, I think he was 2 1/2 or so.
I know you don’t care for parenting books, but have you heard of the Free Range Kids book? It is a good book to for skimming and is entertaining to see how looney some parents are by sheltering their kids from any kind of independence for fear of “maybe something horrible happening”. I enjoyed reading it because it helped me know that I am not a bad parent because I let my kids use the toaster, knives, hammers, saws. And I’m not a bad mama because they aren’t in my sight every waking moment of the day.
Jenny- I made a comment on Jack’s Facebook pictures of your boys chopping wood! I think that was great!
Jessie and I know people who never gave their kids hot food for fear they would burn their mouths. Even James knows how to blow on his food @ 16 months!
I have read free range kids, I liked it! In that way that you can read an advice book and have what your already doing be affirmed and back up. Because it’s true, we do know people who only give their kids cold food, and that is crazy!
My kids were not born with that gene… I, like you, don’t enjoy doing things like dressing, finding toys, getting blankets, etc. Natalie can do a lot of those things herself, but early, rushed weekday mornings cramp my style! We have to be dressed and out of the house by 6:35. Therefore, we do way more dressing of 3-year-olds than I’d like. The other option would be giving her the choice of wearing clothes or pajamas. I just haven’t figured out what a reward would be for putting on clothes – or if that is just me being stubborn! Oh dear.
And James? My James? Please. Don’t get me started. We don’t lock cupboards or put things out of reach at our house because 1) Natalie has never touched the things she shouldn’t and 2) James is never alone to get into mischief. Oh how things might change in February!!!
I’m still pleased with Natalie’s independence when it comes to play, though. She will play, explore and talk to complete strangers wherever we go! And lose me in the store. In that way, she is oh-so-much like her friend Ivy.
Clearly as you just pointed out there are advantages to having a kid who never leaves your side and one who never touches things she shouldn’t. Clara tried to dive into a wastebasket at the grocery store while I was paying today, sometimes if she were just a bit more like Natalie and James that would be handy!
Really? Feeding cold food? WOW! Wouldn’t that person be considered a “crackpot” more than anyone I know? I would love to hear other horror stories about that person’s parenting. Then in 20 yrs I want to hear how that child is handling college all by himself.
Sarah, I am impressed you can get all of you out of the house by 6:35am. The boys get on the bus at 6:50am and that is hard for me. Every morning while I wave to them in my PJs at the end of the driveway I am thankful that Henry is still sleeping, I’m still in my PJs and I’m able to drink my coffee or tea in peace for just a little while.