I think my kids are conspiring to drive me crazy. I’m not sure that it is a malicious plan or if they’d just like to eat chocolate yogurt for breakfast and black jelly beans for lunch and they figure this is the best way to get them.
It started last night.  Clara screamed, and I mean screamed, in her sleep. I do not understand why. I don’t even understand how. But she did.

This morning I’m all bleary eyed and sleep deprived and Clara is still yelling. I’ll give the girls credit, starting with sleep deprivation is pretty smart. Puts a person halfway to crazy in itself.  Then Ivy enters with phase two of the plan: Have conversations with so many contradictions that Mom will have no idea which way is up.

I offer scrambled eggs. She says no thanks.  I make scrambled eggs for Clara.  Ivy denies ever saying no and asks politely for eggs for herself. I look at the pan and realize that I have made enough for both girls. I am just tired enough that I can’t quite figure out what happened. She did say she didn’t want them. Didn’t she? But then why did I make so many eggs?

Yelling continues, talking continues.

“MOM MY SHOWER IS TOO HOT.”
So like any nice, helpful, sane mother I go and turn the knob to adjust the temperature.
“Why are you makin’ it colder mom? Don’t make it colder!”

Cue Clara peeing on the floor and yelling more. Wait, she did say it was too hot right? So then it needs to be colder, right? Pee, there is pee on the floor. Where are the diaper covers?

Then just when I think they are about to crack me Clara runs over and gives me a hug and Ivy asks if she can snuggle with me and I forgive them for their diabolical plot.

Until I start wondering if this is just part of the plan, are they softening me up before the next barrage?

So quickly I jumped into the offensive; Clara goes down for an early nap, Ivy is promised a movie and I’m getting a Diet Coke.

Wish me luck!