Dear Cousin Johnny,
Thank you for giving me this book to read. I now know that if things really go poorly I should attempt to punch a black bear that is trying to eat me (or my friend/family member) in the nose. Since I’m hoping it won’t come to that I’m now considering getting a larger dog, baseball bat, machete and stun gun to bring with me in the woods – just in case- oh and I promise not to forget my binoculars. Also after learning that grizzly bears enjoy flattening and shredding nylon tents I may never go camping much less hiking in certain areas again. My Dad painted a vivid enough picture of polar bears for me that I wasn’t planning on spending my vacation with one anytime soon but just in case his stories were fading in memory I now have some new ones to reinforce them with.
Thank you as well for the nightmare this book gave me. I had accidentally fallen asleep in Clara’s bed and that got me right back up and into my own bed. You know, the one with my husband who has a longer reach than me and would be better at beating a bear with a bat or punching it in the nose than I would. And I certainly can’t forget to thank you for introducing me to a huge amount of graphic, horrific, descriptions of people who were eaten alive by bears. I shall never forget what a bear can do, ever… even if I want to.
Finally thank you for giving me a book to read that made me laugh. Because if I’m going to read about graphic bear deaths I do truly prefer it to be with a good dose of sarcasm and contempt for those who ignore “traditional knowledge and wisdom”… “for the sake of computer modeling by a bunch of pinheads who have never set foot on the pack ice.”
Would I recommend it? Bears: They don’t just eat nuts and berries, sometimes they eat people. There was quite a lot of useful and interesting information but it is certainly not for the faint of heart!