Love and Sloppy Joes

I made my kids sloppy joes.

This is a big deal.

This is an act that fully demonstrates my unending devotion to the little demons I have spawned.

Because sloppy joes are terrible.

I first discovered the terribleness of sloppy joes as a kid. Strangely enough it was shortly after I discovered that I liked sloppy joes. I, super picky eater of a kid, had just deemed them an edible food when I visited a friend and discovered the terrible truth.

All sloppy joes are not created equal.

Some of them are nothing more than a nasty mash of ground meat in tomato based substance (which I found palatable as a child because it was basically meat and white bread) but many rotten mothers hide vegetables in their sloppy joes. That’s right, vegetables hidden in what was thought to be delicious food. My faith in sloppy joes was shattered and never recovered.

But my hatred of making sloppy joes stems from more than just my childhood betrayal.  The real problem with making sloppy joes is the ketchup. It may be Un-American of me but I really hate ketchup. It’s not just that I dislike eating it. I’d really prefer not to smell it or have it touch me, or anything else within a 20 foot radius of me.

I seriously hate ketchup.

But I have girls who love ketchup. If they had their way everything would come with ketchup. Fortunately, they don’t have their way, they have my way. Because, in the monarchy that is our household, the queen refuses to deal with ketchup unless absolutely necessary.

This has resulted in a “sure kid, you can have ketchup with your hot dog but you have to be the one to touch the bottle and then you have to rinse your plate off when you are done before it goes in the dishwasher because I’m not getting near that evil substance” sort of policy.

I hear ketchup is made from tomatoes, I don’t find this to be at all plausible because tomatoes in all forms are quite palatable. Ketchup is not.

But…Ivy found a recipe all on her own for sloppy joes and asked nicely.  I shuddered as I read the amount of required ketchup and went to the grocery store for buns.

Because that’s how much I love my girls.

Then, because I do so love my children and regularly force them to eat things with asparagus and onions, I braved the ketchup and made them sloppy joes (without hidden veggies, because if I was going to make the stuff they were going to eat it!).

They looked nasty, they smelled worse, they brought back horrible memories of sneaky vegetable filled sloppy joes and the girls ate them all up and asked for seconds.

I cringed scooping up another sandwich but consoled myself with the knowledge that I had really showed my children how much I loved them, making them something special yet repulsive to me just because they are such good kids. Clearly this batch of slop should earn me extra special mom points and…

“Could you put extra ketchup on mine?”

What?!? Seriously? After all I’ve done!?!

I delivered the bottle to the table and backed away as Ivy applied more ketchup to her sandwich. Then Jane asked for ketchup, and a banana.

Kids, give them an inch and they try to take a mile. Clearly Jane was unsatisfied with the level of devotion I was showing and she’s going to stay that way.

The only food item that can compete with the horror of ketchup is the banana.

I love my children so much I made them sloppy joes, but there will be no bananas in the house while this queen is still ruling.



16 comments on “Love and Sloppy Joes

  1. rawraavis says:

    I don’t like ketchup normally, but I love sloppy joes. Maybe just because they’re so sloppy? And it’s fun to eat like that? Maybe it’s because the sloppy joe song is catchy? Maybe because they’re so very American? 🙂

    • Jessie says:

      Or maybe it’s because you don’t hold onto childhood grudges involving vegetables! 😉 Also glad to hear you are not a ketchup fan, I usually feel quite alone in my dislike of the red goop!

      • rawraavis says:

        Dave used to not be able to stand the stuff so I stopped using it. Then, one day I realized it’d been years since I’d be tempted to put ketchup on anything, so I did… and ewww. 🙂

        • Jessie says:

          You are such a nice lady, would you like to have a little chat with the rest of my family about forgoing substances for the sake of your loved ones?! 🙂

          • John says:

            Hang on a second. I haven’t cooked fish in the house, and scarcely ordered it in a restaurant in 11 years because of your food issues. Ditto, pickles when you’re nearby, mushrooms in most things. You get grossed out when someone eats a sub sandwich near you cause it’s got “cold slimy meat” on it. We give up plenty thank you very much.

            • Jessie says:

              Except that I sometimes eat pickles and mushrooms and it’s true subs are gross but you guys eat them anyway! AND thank you very much for the fish thing- I love you! 🙂

  2. Jesska says:

    I have no idea what they are, but it sounds like bolognse sauce? What about making it with pasata / tomato puree instead of ketchup?

    • Jessie says:

      Yes I think it kind of is. I’m sure you could make something similar with a tomato puree but fancied up like that the kids might not still recognize it as a sloppy joe! 🙂

      • Jesska says:

        Hmm.. and part puree and part ketchup and gradually reducing the ketchup? Or does that count as sabotage? Tbh, I would definitely be that parent with the badly hidden veggies; sweetcorn, peas, onions, lentils…

        I don’t think we EVER had ketchup at home as kids – my mum doesn’t eat it, so it pretty much didn’t exist. Occasionally my grandparents (dad’s side) put a bottle on the table (at their house) whereupon they were promptly told that we didn’t eat ketchup and the bottle removed.. (unless we were there by ourselves). I still don’t touch the stuff, but my siblings do, albeit rarely…

        • Jessie says:

          Taco meat has hidden veggies at our house… sloppy joes, they just might have to go visit friends if they want more of those! 🙂

  3. junekearns says:

    What have you got against bananas, Jessie?!

  4. Really liked this one. I’m sure there must be a ketchup revulsion support group out there somewhere. A Heinz “57 Steps” program or something.

    • Jessie says:

      Are you saying I have a problem? I don’t have a problem, the ketchup is the problem!!!
      I might not be ready for step one much less the next 56! 🙂

  5. I also hate ketchup. Thank you, that is all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.