Perhaps you’ve noticed things haven’t been what one would call… easy, around here lately.
In addition this non-easy month has been filled with things that, thankfully, I don’t have much experience with. This of course makes them harder to handle and it feels as though all my answers now start with “I don’t know…”.
Today is the last day of a month of blogging (Applause welcome. Thank you!) and of all the things that happened this month, of all the stressors in life, blogging daily wasn’t one of them. I relished the time that I “had” to sit down and post something. I can do this. I am not the best blogger in the world, but I’m good at this. I know what I’m willing to share, and what I’m not. My writing is often missing punctuation and my pictures aren’t perfect but I’m proud to be able to share both anyway. Decisions in my blogging world have been easy. I know blogging.
Today, on this last day of daily blogging, Jane came home sick.
Super puking sick.
I went from a day of catching up on life and trying to make difficult decisions about things I’d never done, or am just learning to do, into sick kid mode. We have barf buckets, hair has been pulled into ponytails. There are extra blankets and water to sip. I’ve been running up and down the stairs emptying her bucket, tucking in her blankets and giving her water. And you know what? This might be the most relaxed afternoon I’ve had all month. I can do this. I’m not the best at mothering sick kids, but I’m good at this. I know what to do. I’m not debating if what I’m doing is the most important thing. I’m not wondering if I should be focusing my attention elsewhere. I’m doing what I need to, and I’m doing it well. Sick kids, though I never thought I’d say it, are easy.
It seems like I should now jump to the conclusion that this makes me the epitome of a mommy blogger (a phrase I have always avoided like the super puking plague). But, despite the fact that I’m relaxed and in my element while blogging and puker wrangling, that’s not it at all. Looking back at the month I am reminded that there are lots of things I’m learning. There are lots of things that are hard. And lots of things that have no good choices. I’ve spent the last month crying a boat load of tears and there was a good portion of them that were because I felt as if I didn’t know anything, that I had none of the answers.
But that’s not true, I’ve just been out of my element. I know all sorts of things. I have lots of answers. It’s just that this November things were really hard. When forced back into my element with a sick kid and blank computer screen I had a chance to remember… oh yes I can do these things, and a slew of others, well.
I just wish it hadn’t taken a dozen buckets of barf to remind me!
(And maybe I’m a mommy blogger too, but I’m still not ever going to own up to that.)
You’re doing a great job, Jessie. We all have to tackle things we don’t know anything about from time to time and it’s always comforting to get back to the familiar, however grim that familiar happens to be. Take care of you and yours.
Reblogged this on anita dawes and jaye marie.
It’s amazing what makes us sit up and have these enlightening thoughts, isn’t it? Although I wouldn’t recommend this one!
I hope she gets better soon (after providing this beautiful insight)! A lot of my stress this month came from fear: “I can’t handle this”. Getting sick was almost a nice excuse: I couldn’t work on my things. I almost wondered if my body was in a conpsiracy with my brain 😉
Hang in there, J. For every moment of hardship in life we get a moment of joy.
Excellent post Jessie! You do have this and you are good at this. You’ve had a heck of a month (months?) The unknown is so trying, so it’s a relief to get back to the known, even if it is puking.
I love this piece. It is practical, sensible, straight from the heart and beautifully human. You’re a great human, that’s why you’re also adept in the other areas of your life. I know how you are, you’re just like my mother.
Yep, the barfed buckets can go now … and not return in a hurry. 🙂
I love your posts. 😀
Hope she’s well soon and everyone else stays well. Let us not speak of this mommy blogger thing again 🙂
[…] In My Element? – Behind The Willows […]
Who would have thought that writing about barf could be so intriguing and painfully honest. You can and have done so many things to be proud of and this entire month is just a small record of them but at the same time it is a concentrated record and one that can really open your eyes to what you are truly capable of. And we can keep the mommy blogger thing a secret, I won’t tell anyone (nobody listens to me anyway) 🙂