When was the last time you had a conversation with a two year old?

Has it been awhile?

Do you need help remembering some of the reasons it’s called “The Terrible Twos?”

Let me help.

First off they lure you in with their cuteness and funny comments:

Clara kisses me on the cheek before bed.

Me: “You’re so sweet.”

Clara: “Yeah, Grandpa Moose love me.”

Once they’ve got you fully buttered up with their supreme cuteness, epic cleverness and general winning personality you may make the mistake of trying to talk to them on your own terms.

Me: “Clara!”

…

Me: “Clara do you want breakfast?”

…

Me: ” Clara!”

…

Me: “Clara are you hungry?”

…

This is the equivalent of a conversation with a brick wall.  But beware, the wall has ears and just as you throw up your hands to walk away that’s when they will pipe up with The Demand.

Clara: “ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Please?”

Clara: “ME WANT OOTMEAL!……….Pease.”

Now, it would seem that an actual conversation may have been started… don’t be fooled.

Me: “Ok, I’ll make you oatmeal.”

Clara: “ME WANT CLARA OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Yup, Clara oatmeal,  I’m making it.”

Clara: “MOM, ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Yes, I know, I’m making it, why don’t you go get a bowl.”

Clara: “NOOOO, ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Don’t scream. I’m making your food right NOW!”

Clara: ” ME NEED OOTMEAL!”

… “Conversation” continues along this vein until oatmeal is procured.”

Clara: “Tanks, Mom.”

At this point you can either fall again for the cuteness factor brought on by the relief of the return of normal speaking tone and a modicum of politeness or try to gain relief by banging your head on an actual brick wall.

Neither will help you.

Welcome to the Terrible Twos.