Most everybody has a thing. A thing that gives them the heebie jeebies, the shivers, the get-me-out-of-heres, the gag reflex, the I-can’t-even-look-at-it-I’m-running-the-other-ways.  For some it’s spiders. (Personally my live and let live philosophy on spiders maxes out when they reach half dollar size and they are crawling on my leg and then my girly reaction kicks in and I squeal and fling in off and then stomp it to death with a bathmat – other than that sort of scenario (which happened last week if anyone wants to know) I let them live in the corners of the house, check out cool webs outside and visit the tarantulas at the zoo.)  Other people can’t stand to look at snakes, worms, maggots and a certain notable person, *cough* John *cough* , has a major issue with brown, slimy, lettuce.  For me it’s teeth. I don’t like teeth. I don’t like my teeth, I don’t like your teeth, the dentist touches my teeth, I hate him. Teeth are my heebie jebbie inducer.  So please tell me what on earth my husband was thinking when he brought this home from the library:

And, as if that isn’t bad enough, the moose asks an ostrich to pull his tooth out…

Then, leaving aside the fact that I can think of no good scenario where a moose, ostrich, tiger, zebra, giraffe and elephant all live together, I really, really never wanted to see them pulling a tooth out together. Ever.

And then.

And THEN.

The elephant swallows the tooth.

AAAHHHHH!!!

Which brings me to my long winded point.

I hate this book.

Which brings me to me really long winded point and a household rule we have.

Mom only has to read a library book once. (Sometimes I love making the rules.)

If they bring a book home from the library I’ll read it once. If it is a good mutually acceptable book I’ll read it 37 more times during the course of the week before we return it but if it’s bad – once. This is something that people have harassed me about, saying that if my kids want to read I should be reading whatever they want. I disagree.  There are plenty of books out there that we would both like to read so when they do manage to sneak a book like Moose’s Loose Tooth or anything involving Dora home, I’m only reading it once.  Because sometimes once is more than enough.

Now, I’m looking for a children’s book that has brown, slimy, lettuce in it, maggots would be nice bonus material, anybody have any ideas?

To be fair, if it weren’t for my whole teeth hating thing this book would be just fine. It’s got the kind of repetition and humor that kids like, Ivy has been asking about when her teeth will fall out and I’ve had to reject it as a possible read almost every time we’ve sat down in the last week!