Confessions Of A Lawn Hater

It has been two weeks since I mowed the lawn.

Today while mowing the lawn I found a dead cat.

If that bothers you please stop reading I doubt this story is going to get any better.

Fortunately years of mowing at high speeds with minimal before mowing lawn pick-up have honed my swerving skills and I was able to stop next to the cat. It took me a good thirty seconds of staring to identify the flattish, orangeish, hairyish, splotch in my yard. Without the ear and tail I might have been stumped. So I probably don’t need to say this wasn’t a freshly dead cat.  The good news is that if you find a dead cat it gives you plenty to ponder while you finish mowing your lawn.

There are questions with probable answers:

-Where did it come from? I’m guessing the neighbors barn cat or a feral cat, there are lots of both around.

-Why is it in MY yard? Well cats do come through the yard occasionally although the dogs really dislike that and so it’s not real common.

-If John had been mowing would he have run it over? Probably, he is color blind and runs everything over with the lawnmower, a classic case of if I do it really badly I won’t have to do it anymore.

Questions that I can only guess at the answers:

-Did something kill that cat?

-Does that explain why I also lost three ducks while we were on vacation?

-Do things that eat ducks not eat cats?

-What is wrong with my dogs, that they haven’t noticed it?

-Thank goodness my dogs haven’t noticed it!

-Can I convince John that dead cat removal is a mans job?

And questions that might indicate I spent too much time in the sun:

-Would running over a dead cat be better than running over a pile of chain?

-Would I have to extract dead cat from the mower deck if I did that?

-Would that require taking off the deck?

-Does my Dad’s knowledge of lawnmower fixes include dead cat damage?

-Would anyone help me if that was my problem or would they just laugh?

And the biggest question of all:

-Why am I mowing a patch of lawn that we use so infrequently that it can have a very decomposed cat in it without anyone noticing?

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10 comments on “Confessions Of A Lawn Hater

  1. Jenny says:

    Thanks for the great laugh. I needed it tonight!

  2. cara says:

    Ditto what Jenny said. I think that would be my thought process too. Did you ask those questions out loud while you were mowing? I often talked out loud to myself while mowing.

    • No I don’t think I do talk out loud while mowing unless I’m swearing… Maybe I should try it sometime!

      And I needed the laugh today too, who knew it would come from a dead cat!

  3. the other Jessie says:

    I hated mowing lawn, I would sing while I mowed. Ususally, John Denver’s “Thank god I’m a country boy.” I don’t know all the words so lots of humming. Oh and I’d mow in my pajamas. I figured I might as well be comfortable….Although now that I think about it maybe thats the reason my neighbors didn’t stop by.

    • Maybe I’m just tired but I almost fell over laughing. Perhaps it was the mutual lawn mowing hatred that started our friendship. I also didn’t know you sang “thank god I’m a country boy” on the lawnmower I had only witnessed that on a tractor…

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