I’d like to round up every weatherman in the area who is talking about the gorgeous/lovely/beautiful/warm temperatures we are having and invite them over.
I’m not going to open the gate for them, that way they’ll be forced to step into the gigantic puddle when they get out of their cars to open the gate Then I’m going to send them to get a bucket of water out of the now literal mudroom (which is also where I do laundry and paint shutters- NOT a good combo) and have them walk the bucket over the mix of ice, snow and mud to the chicken coop. I hope that they don’t actually fall down with their five gallon bucket of water. Almost falling and wrenching every muscle in their body as their feet frantically look for solid footing is much more what they deserve. Once they arrive at the chicken coop which is thawing into the nastiness that chicken coops thaw into when the weather breaks they can quickly water the chickens before heading back. On the way back I’m sure they’ll see my ducks. My ducks whom tried to take baths in the melting puddles but just ended up muddy disasters, I hope they feel bad at the pitiful sight they now are.
Perhaps as they splash back across the river that was formerly my driveway they’ll indulge in a bit of puddle stomping with the girls. While they are distracted with that I think I’ll open their car doors and watch Piper leave Great Dane sized mud prints all the way through to the back where she will sit innocently as if she materialized there and didn’t just run over all the seats.
After I send them back home to their houses (that no doubt have paved driveways and sidewalks leading to their doors )and they launder everything, including their car seats, hopefully they’ll be able to come up with a much more appropriate description of this February thaw we are having.
I’d help them come up with one myself but mine all involve four letters and can’t be said on the radio.