Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said? XIV

It’s the fourteenth edition of “Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said?” in which I share phrases that I never thought:
 
A) Would ever need to be said in the first place,
B) that I would need to be the one to say them and
C) that I wouldn’t just be saying them, I’d be yelling them.
 

Today’s ridiculous, ineffective and only partially true edict?

There is NO furniture rearranging during dinner!!!

Yup, ridiculous, ineffective and untrue, obviously someone had been rearranging furniture.

Yet, these are the kinds of crazy things that come out of my mouth when the six year old shoves the seven foot long bench at the table down so that the four year old can’t reach her plate. But why, you ask, can’t the four year old reach her plate? Well, that’s because the bench was moved and so her plate was now nine inches to her right. This was an issue because, for the first time in her short life, instead of standing or bouncing or wandering while eating her dinner, she decided to glue her butt to the bench as she’s been repeatedly told. Also, apparently, she has alligator arms that are too short to reach nine inches and move her plate in front of her and her older sister knew it so that’s why she was smirking sitting on the end of the bench with no table in front of her.  So I, from the kitchen, hands covered in dough yelled about furniture rearranging and was met with blank stares – deservedly.

Then I threatened to cancel dessert.

The bench slid back into place and dinner resumed.

There may be people who can parent without the occasionally ridiculous decree- but I’m not one of them. And, you know, by this point, if things like this didn’t occasionally fly out of my mouth I’d probably wonder if I was still a parent.

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14 comments on “Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said? XIV

  1. Dan says:

    Your little family anecdotes always leave me in stitches Jessie – you always see the laughter in life. Loved this 😂

    • Jessie says:

      Admittedly it does sometimes take me a few hours and a glass of bourbon before I see the laughter… but I can usually find a bit! 🙂

  2. barbtaub says:

    The really sad part? I’m almost positive I’ve said the same thing. Right down to the dessert threats.

  3. Holly says:

    But…but…sometimes furniture decor inspiration just hits you! 😉

    • Jessie says:

      Good point.
      I’m probably stifling an interior decorating genius. If it wasn’t for me and my insane rules by the time she was eighteen she’d be whisked off to famous peoples homes to move all their furniture 6 inches in one direction or another and declare it perfect while everyone ooo’d and ahhh’d! 😉

  4. Imelda says:

    That’s the beauty of having young kids – you can say the most ridiculous things without people thnking you’re crazy. 🙂

    • Jessie says:

      Crazy-er… Also I accidentally wore a pink flowered headband of my four year olds in public. She gave it to me to hold… But, it was pointed out that if she was with me probably people understood. 🙂

  5. fireflyby says:

    Just chuckled… A LOT!!!

  6. Widdershins says:

    The threat of no dessert has resolved many a conflict. 🙂

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