Guide to a Sleeping Mother

Pay attention children.  It seems that many of you are unsure how to act around sleeping mothers. Today, for you, I have outlined just exactly what to do when you encounter a sleeping mother.

First we have identification.

If the mother is in bed under the covers with her eyes closed, this is called sleeping. It is unnecessary to call her name multiple times. If she’s not sleeping, she wants to be sleeping and should be treated as if she is.sleeping

It should be noted that sleeping mothers do not need things.

They are sleeping.

All they need is at least five more minutes of sleep.

Extra blankets, toys, and books are unnecessary.

Hugs are nice but will actually be appreciated later in the day and if snuggling with your mother means stealing both covers and pillow, skip it.

Tea, however, may always be quietly left by the bedside.

This:Still Sleeping

is not an awake mother.

This is a mother who has been badgered long enough that she has opened one eye to confirm which child will be scrubbing the toilet for the rest of the month.

Do not continue talking.

Under no circumstances should you demand anything.

In fact, unless you or someone you know is actively bleeding or something is on fire, drop off a cup of black, highly caffeinated tea and back quietly away.

No doubt after your considerate tea donation she will roll out of bed on her own.  And once she is standing upright beyond the confines of her bedroom you may start your day of demands.

Now children, read, memorize and say thank you. This information could save your life, or at very least prevent a few extra toilet scrubbings.


20 comments on “Guide to a Sleeping Mother

  1. junekearns says:

    Love it, Jessie!
    You really should put these together in a book.

  2. jenanita01 says:

    A lesson we all soon learn, if my memory serves me, and usually for our benefit, not theirs!

  3. Su Leslie says:

    Nicely put! Wish I’d had this a few years ago.

  4. Aishwarya says:

    I loved the post Jessie 😀 I was giggling through it…and I have been the bad, demanding, disturbing kid too…thankfully my mom didn’t make me scrub toilets 😀 and I’m quite sure my mother will love reading this one!!

  5. Julie says:

    Fun story. Keep writing , I always enjoy what you share with us on your blog.

  6. Vanessence says:

    Hahaha! Yes! 😀

  7. N. says:

    Oh this is so true! Maybe make this part of mandatory kindergarten curriculum?

  8. barbtaub says:

    I can’t believe I missed this one. But then…I’ve lived it. As I’ve often (say, approximately a bazillion times) told my children, “I’m writing. Don’t interrupt unless there’s smoke or blood. Or lots of water.”

    These lines were, of course, a complete waste of time. The children who could pick out the whispered word “chocolate” from two floors up and across the house, who could read the word “McDonalds” from the next county over before they could speak in full sentences, and who could propose convoluted and learned arguments that would shame a lawyer arguing before the Supreme Court—those children never understood what I was saying.

    Oh, and they liked to play this little game where they put their tiny faces next to the face of their sleeping mother and confided, “I hafta throw up. Now.”

    Good times.

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