Dear Brain,

Dear Brain,

I’m ever so grateful for all you do, however. However. We need to talk. It’s about sleeping- I know, I know. You don’t get enough. Believe me, as your body- I know.  But here is the thing Brain, I think if you actually tried at night we’d get much better sleep.

For instance, when it’s too hot.  I’ve already done the hard stuff. I’ve woken you up, diagnosed the problem and gotten the synapses firing. So could you please do something useful with those brain waves of yours? Throw off the covers. Open a window. Turn on the air conditioner. Anything!  I know you love John, I do too.  I’m all about snuggling but sometimes we need to let your emotional attachment relax for a few hours and run to the cooler side of the bed!

And so long as we are on the subject of temperatures, let’s talk about being cold. The blankets. They aren’t that far away. There is an entire chest full of extras just at the foot of the bed. So, smartypants brain, when we lose the blankets, could you please rouse yourself enough to find one!? I know – you feel that finding a blanket in the middle of the night is an insurmountable task.  But trust me, trying to sleep huddled under a pillow for warmth is also pretty damn difficult.

My other request, is admittedly, a bit harder. It involves the children. Yes, I know, don’t even start whining about how you deal with them all day, they are still our children all night long. And when they come down at night with their pointy elbows, tickley hair, nonstop talking and excessive body heat we need to remove them. Not just hide on the other side of the bed, because, perhaps you’ve noticed, they follow us there!  Brain, I have done the pregnant thing- three times. Ditto on the nursing and the co-sleeping thing. I have shared my body and my bed and now? Now I am done. I am too tired, too hot and I am done sharing. We need them to go back to their room in the middle of the night. Yes, they are cute, and their cheeks are soft and when they do fall asleep they are lovely and angelic. But mostly they talk and giggle and manage to stuff their fine, wispy hair up our nose and steal our pillow. They’ve got to go Brain, they’ve got to go.

And finally, when we get a chance to take a nap, could you please just settle down and let us sleep. Stop composing to do lists, dinner ideas and blog posts in our head, you can do that when we wake up. You are jeopardizing our scant hours of sleep and we need it all Brain. We really need it all!

This has been a great partnership, you and me, body and brain.  Just think how much better it could be with a little bit more shut eye – we could do anything!

Here is to a continued fantastic union and a long well rested life!


Your Body


Perfection Pending
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Dear Roundys

Dear Roundys,

As a generic brand you are good, but you are still a generic brand, jack of all trades, master at none but the low price.

I have no problem with that.  You fill your niche in the market place well and many of your items have graced our shelves. But recently an item of yours has come into my home that I have a real issue with. It is a box of kitchen matches.

It’s not that I mind that every seventh match breaks in half. And I can deal with the fact that the striker on the side of the box wore out at an alarming rate, forcing me to use the bits on the corners in short quick bursts. No, it’s the coloring of the packaging that I have an issue with.

This box of kitchen matches looks very similar from the top, and from the bottom.

Why is this an issue you ask? We heat our house with wood.  Therefore, every morning this winter found me crouched in front of the wood stove rekindling the fire. Chilly, bleary eyed, attempting to function before my morning tea at an admittedly sub par level I would lay my fire, reach for the matches, slide open the box and – matches all over the floor. You see when the top looks frighteningly similar to the bottom, it’s very easy to open upside down. And when you open that box upside down, the nice sliding “drawer” turns into a nice sliding “dump.” And the quick lighting of the fire turns into pick up sticks – again.

It has occurred to me that the reason my matches had such a high breakage rate was due to their rough handling. This I believe to be good news as with a bit of color change in your printing both problems will be resolved.

Other than the issues above, your matches preformed beautiful and I would be happy to purchase them again, after the box receives the much needed overhaul.

Thank you for your time and your consideration of this serious problem,

A Freezing and Frustrated Fire-starter