Million Little Mistakes by Heather McElhatton

“You win $22 Million. Now What?”

Did you know there were choose your own adventure books written for adults?

I had no idea until this was chosen for our book club this month.

The writing is not great.

The story lines are random and totally wacky.

The book was a blast to read and completely addictive.

I’d say this would be a perfect book for traveling, in just a few minutes you’ll probably be dead and be ready to try again.

I had no idea the lottery was so hazardous to your health but between, money grubbing men, pirates, drug runners, malaria, Clydesdales and the undead it’s a treacherous journey!

Would I recommend it? Yes I really would. It’s quick, it’s fun, it’s totally crazy (rancher, stripper, voodoo priestess, violin maker, the book is under 500 pages but the options in careers seem endless!) but careful it’s hard to put down. When your remote lodge on Lake Superior doesn’t turn out you just might need to know what would have happened if you had you taken the trip to Sex Island instead!

FYI choosing good moral choices will in no way increase your chances of survival or happiness.

Have a Little Patience!

Dec14

At John’s family Christmas last Sunday there was short conversation about how Ivy is of that amazing age where she soaks up information, retains it and then actual feeds it back at appropriate times. My contribution to the discussion was that while it is amazing to watch her learn and grow, all this intelligence and parroting has it’s drawbacks! Truly it’s not the information that is the trouble, I watch and wonder at that part of her growth with the best of the sappy-amazed-that-my-kid-is-clearly-the-smartest-kid-ever-parents. It’s the phrases of mine she has picked up that I take issue with. I mean really if she’s going to copy things I say she could at least make me look like the nice, kind, patient mother that I am…

Most often heard? “Settle down Mom, settle down.” This is also the one that makes friends and relatives laugh the hardest who hear it… it’s not that funny, trust me!

Yesterday when getting her sister a drink of water I heard: “I’m workin’ on it Clara, I’m workin’ on it.” Which is something I realized I say all the time after I heard Ivy say it to Clara. Unfortunately, I’m fairly certain it’s much cuter when Ivy says it since she’s lacking the whole harassed mother persona.

Also yesterday Ivy “Ya wanna-ed” me. I have a bad habit of saying things like, “Hey, ya wanna come put away your toys?” “Ya wanna put away silverware?” “Ya wanna let me comb your hair?” Why do I ask questions when I know the answer will be no? Why is my grammar so terrible? It’s a bad habit, I’m workin’ on it. Ivy is helping me: “Hey Mom! Ya wanna wipe my poop?” Yup, new years resolution, I’m striking “ya wanna” from my vocabulary!

John and I are not immune to accidentally letting loose a bit of foul language in front of Ivy. So far we have escaped having to deal with the consequences of that except for, “DUMB IT!” Which I’m certain is her interpretation of John yelling “Damn it!” (Definitely John’s fault. I have other choice words) Since she’s not actually swearing, we are going with not making a big deal of it, letting it slide and trying not to laugh.

Then of course there is the line about needing to have patience. I think that phrase comes standard with the whole mother thing. Congratulations here’s your baby, let me check your car seat and don’t forget to take your “have a little patience.” But tonight, tonight, Ivy humbled me with her patience. Waiting for John to get home (with dinner) I was getting grumpy (as was Clara, we like to eat on time, dumb it!) I grumbled something about John being late within Ivy’s hearing. Ivy pipes up with: “You just need to have a little more patience Mom! Here you can have some of mine.” she says as she hands me a pocket full of imaginary patience.

The moral of this story? Be careful what you say, or your three year old may tell you – Ya wanna settle down!? I’m workin’ on it, dumb it! Just have a little patience!- and true or not, that’s not something a mother wants to hear!

Polly’s Ghost by Abby Frucht

Dec13

Can something be beautifully written and completely un-captivating all at the same time? If so this is it. I don’t know why I was so uninterested. The book looked good and the writing was the kind that wants to roll around in your mouth before it flows off your tongue, but it was a book I could put down, and did…a lot.

Would I recommend it? No. But I’d be curious to know if anyone has read her other books, or liked this one better.

“Oh…

Dec13

…the weather outside is frightful(ly cold),

but the fire is so delightful(ly hot),

So, since we’ve no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!”

Sledding…

Dec10

…it’s all fun and games…

…until you run into a trailer hitch.

‘Tis the Season

Dec9

I think I missed the memo that it’s December, and that Christmas is essentially two weeks away.

I must have been in Kansas when it went out.

Even though it snuck up on me I am excited the holiday season is here, I love it: The cookies, and the family, and the driving, and the snow, and the cookies, and the gift giving, and the Christmas trees, and the cookies, and the kids on Christmas morning, and the family dinner in Pewaukee (this will be 98 years at the same table!), and the cookies- I love it all. And since I’m all adult-like and I get to pick out and buy presents for my family I have found that I enjoy that far more than you would think from someone who has never, ever, been a shopper.

So, now that I have received my belated memo every day I don’t have something planned I think about how I should go take the girls and make a trek out into the world of stores and shiny items to pick up some gifts. Then the Christmas spirit starts to wane as I mentally plan my day. My thoughts go something like this:

It’ll be best if I can leave the house as soon as possible to get back as soon as possible. Earliest the kids get up at 7 and it takes us a good hour and a half to dress, eat and do chores. That’s right about when Clara is ready to take a nap. We can skip the nap this morning, she’ll be OK so long as we are doing things. Of course skipping the nap does result in a high probability that a melt down will occur in some public place, most likely when I’m trying to pay. This will no doubt happen just as Ivy is trying to put extra items from those evil displays at the register on to our pile. It is hard to carry the two girls both throwing fits bodily to the car as well as a shopping bag, but I can do it if I have to. Then even if we make it back on the road tear free I’ll have to try to get Clara home before she falls asleep. If I feed her something half way home that should keep her awake until we get home, but will likely mean a McDonald’s stop. Then I might be able to get her into the house for a nap, but since she’ll be overtired we are looking at an hour napping max (don’t ask me why, that’s just how it works). Or she’ll fall asleep in the car and wake up when we get home, hungry and really cranky. Meanwhile Ivy will likewise be hungry and in need of a “rest” but protesting it all the while. Wound up from being in the car too long yet still tired in the afternoon, that’s a guaranteed recipe for an afternoon “rest” struggle. By the time I get done attempting to get them to sleep (and possibly feeding them) it’ll be time to make something for dinner to make up for the fast food consumed for lunch. Most likely I will have to do that with two cranky kids hanging off of me. John probably won’t be home in time to help (end of the year push at work and all that) and by the time I get them into bed I’ll be hating everyone and have lost the whole Christmas spirit thing entirely…

Do I even need to mention that I have yet to attempt the shopping thing?

It’s funny how that sort of scenario seems worth a try when going grouse hunting, yet completely unmanageable if shopping is involved.

I think instead I’ll be using nap time and the power of the internet to do a bit of online shopping.

Now I’ve just got to cross my fingers that my satellite connection doesn’t go down in the snow that just started…

Ivy’s Favorite Things

Dec8

Sometimes when trying to distract Ivy I ask her a million “What’s your favorite…” questions.

I feel it evens us out a bit on the question asking.

Here is our last question and answer session.

What is your favorite…

Color- Pink

Animal – Ponies and Horses (Don’t try to make her pick just one or she’ll get mad at you!)

Food – Bananas and Apples (really? really?)

Clothes- Dresses and Skirts (Bananas and dresses, how does this happen???)

Dog – Piper

Cat – Fiona

Person -Mom

Thing to do – Picking flowers and raspberries and blueberries (She’s never picked blueberries, but she has picked and delivered at least three bunches of imaginary flowers today.)

Thing to do inside -just play

Chore- baby chicks

Time of day – night time (Odd since night time and bedtime are usually linked in her mind but I’ll go with it.)

Place to go -park

Thing to do at the park – go on the slides

Book – Elephants Child

Thing to do with Clara -wrestle (Yes, unfortunately it is. If Clara could talk I doubt she would answer the same.)

Friend -Natalie and horses…Natalie (Go Natalie, you got a billing above horses!)

Uncle -Tyler (actually this was me saying “What’s your favorite..” and she said “Uncle! Tyler!”)

Meal – Macaroni

Movie -Xialin showdown (Which I suspect she hasn’t seen in about a year and never requests to watch, but really, what do I know!)

To do in the car- (After lots of thinking…) play with horses and ponies

There you have it, Ivy’s favorite things of the moment.

She changes her answers often.

This is good.

It gives me hope that wrestling and bananas could be on their way out!

Fancy Nancy Splendiferous Christmas by Jane O’Conner and Robin Preiss Glasser

Dec8

Oh, Fancy Nancy…

I can’t decide if I despise you and your obnoxious, high falutin, fancy ways…

or if I think your slightly charming and humorous.

I do know that Ivy loves you.

And I loved this page. Would I recommend it? Only every other Friday.

I really am still reading books myself though it’s been almost three weeks since I finished a book! That must be some sort of slow reading record for me, you’d think I was traveling all over the place the last few weeks or something!

Jarring?

Dec5

Why do we call the process of preserving food in jars canning?

Why not jarring?

These are the questions Tyler and I asked each other in our canning delirum at one in the morning.

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The weekend was planned as a venison canning weekend. And it was. The last of the 64 pints are in the canner as I type.

Of course had we not found so many other things to do we’d be done already and we’d have skipped the delirium last night.

But where’s the fun in that?

The first set back in the canning progress was that Sarah and I have never been brillant about rationing time spent together. That history is a whole post that involves two countries, too much Diet Coke and a lot of tears, so I won’t go into it here. I’ll just say we saw each other, it was fun, and I probably should have been canning.

Then after staying up canning until delirium set in last night Tyler took me grouse hunting this morning.

I recommend hunting with Tyler.

Today he was my guide/Sherpa/driver/child sitter/dog handler.

While I did see a grouse and lots of track this morning I didn’t get a shot off , but I’ll forgive my guide/Sherpa/driver/child sitter/dog handler, he had his hands full.

Toe Jam

Dec3

Tyler and I both have a tendency to come down with athletes foot.

I have taken the prevention route by never wearing socks and shoes.

This is a technique that earns me odd looks, smart alec comments, and cold toes in December but prevents the problem outright.

Tyler wears steel-toed boots all day.

He is far beyond prevention.

Tonight I found out Tyler’s most effective cure for his athletes foot. It was a cure I found to be disturbing, disgusting and frankly down right fascinating. Tonight I watched his dog Turk lick every little crevice of Tyler’s feet and then chew off anything that wouldn’t lick off.

I hate licking dogs.

I really really do. The licking, the repetitive slurping noise, the fact that dogs seem to do it most often in quiet house late at night. Just thinking about it makes me want to yell at a dog. YEECH!

Take a licking dog and add to that Tyler’s feet, (Which I will not describe because this post already includes more information about either of our feet than anyone wanted to know, but I will point out that his athletes foot is bad enough to welcome Turks treatment!) and I was squirming as I watched in horror and fascination the treatment Tyler’s feet were getting.