The End of Innocence

Jane was enjoying a lovely fall day when I intruded on her solitude to break the news.

“Jane”, I said, “you’ll be three soon, it’s time you know how the world works.”Jane

“I just need to warn you, the Daylight Savings time change is tomorrow.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, brows drawn up in confusion.Jane

“Well, it’s  one of two days a year when when we arbitrarily change the time by an hour. This means that everyone will wake up earlier than they should, become hungry at inconvenient times, overtired by bedtime and miss most pre-planned appointments. In addition many people seem to suffer a certain extent of emotion damage from the change so expect everyone around you to ask “Old time or new time” while we all  spend at least three days in a fog of “Wait, what time is it?” induced crabby confusion. Oh – and chances of your Dad and his friend showing up at the same time to go goose hunting tomorrow morning are at best fifty fifty. All so we can act as though there is more light in the day which , I’m sure that at the wise age of two and half, you can already see the absurdity in that plan.”

“What? No! That’s completely ridiculous!” she cried!

Yes it is Jane, Yes it is.

The Time Change Killed Her

You remember her right, my darling Clementine? She is lost and gone forever and it was the time change that did her in.

What a dreadful sorrow.

There she was in a nice routine, driving her ducklings to the water every day just at nine, when someone up and changes the time on her.

I can’t say if the ducks staged an angry uprising at the change or if she really did hit her toe upon a splinter in her fuzzy sleep deprived state. But, either way, I’m certain it was the time change that did it. And there she was, drowning in the foaming brine.

What a dreadful sorrow.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Don’t be ridiculous, that song was written long before Daylight Savings Time ever existed.” As to that, I say clearly the song was written by a benevolent time traveler attempting to warn us of the dangers of messing with the clock.

Have we listened? No.

Are you regretting that this morning? Yes.

What a dreadful sorrow.


Political Advice

With upcoming elections of all sorts I’ve some advice for the politicians.

-It’s the major angle they all seem to be missing.

-It’s the issue that will endear them to parents everywhere, no matter the rest of their platform.

Politicians, whoever you are, just stand up in front of the cameras and declare:

“I shall abolish daylight savings time.”

Can’t you just hear the cheering already?

-The mothers, rejoicing that never again shall nap time be moved by an obnoxious, arbitrary, hour?

-The fathers, thrilled that never again shall they randomly attempt to shift bed time in any direction?

It’d work.

Trust me.

I know stuff.

Not about politics.

But I know that when the time changes our life feels like it goes upside down in a rainy mud puddle…

…doesn’t yours?