Tag Archives: kids

Confetti

Do you ever having trouble conveying the bigger picture?

That’s the sort of trouble I’m having with Clara and if I don’t figure out how to get the message across our house will be filled with confetti.

You see when she cuts things into teeny tiny pieces with scissors and I say, “Don’t cut things into teeny tiny pieces with scissors”, the next day – she cuts things into teeny tiny pieces with scissors.

To her credit (?) she has yet to cut the same kind of thing into teeny tiny pieces. Only once have we cut up, a bracelet, a flower, a list, a note, a picture Ivy drew or, most memorable, a nightgown that her little sister was wearing.

No matter the item or my response I get the same reaction from her every time, it goes something like this…

Me: Clara, what are all these little red things?

Clara: Oh that was just your ribbon from your chocolate.

Me: But Clara, I was going to keep the ribbon and and use it for something else.

Clara: Oh.

Me: Clara, you need to ask before you cut something up!

Clara: Sorry, Mom.

I walk off irritated and a few moments later Clara shows up with a small pitying smile on her face and a hug for me as she says,

Next time I won’t, Mom. Next time Dad gives you chocolates for Valentines day and they have a red ribbon I won’t cut it up, OK!

She gives me a hug and another smile and a look as if to say, “I don’t know why it matters so much but I’ll humor you and promise never to do it again if it makes you feel better but it’s really sad for you that you have nothing better to worry about.”

And she won’t.

I’m sure that the next time John gives me chocolates on Valentines day that are wrapped with a red ribbon she won’t cut it into pieces without asking. And the next time Jane is wearing a monkey nightgown she won’t try to cut a dress for her doll out of it.Clara

But if the ribbon is blue and the nightgown has horses…

Confetti.

Perfection Pending

 

Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said? X

It’s the tenth edition of “Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said?” in which I share phrases that I never thought:
A) Would ever need to be said in the first place,
B) that I would need to be the one to say them and
C) that I wouldn’t just be saying them, I’d be yelling them.
 

I was driving home in the dark, two of the three kids in the back were asleep when Jane asked me to, “Take it Mom… Take it!” This is a normal car request and so I did that awful arm contortion that is necessary to reach a child that is buckled into a car seat directly behind you yet still keep your eyes on the road – and held out my hand.

And that’s when I asked a question I wish I had never had to ask.

Did you just give me throw up?

She's awful cute when she's not wiping vomit into your hand.

She’s awful cute when she’s not wiping vomit into your hand.

Judging by her answer, the slime she oozed from her hot little hand to mine and the smell…  yes.

And that’s when for the first time in a long time I was happy to still have a girl in diapers. A girl in diapers travels with diapers and baby wipes!

Honesty and Chocolate Cake

At this moment in time I think it’s quite possible that Jane is too honest for her own good.

I was making a chocolate cake for a friend’s birthday when Jane piped up, ” I help you?” Fellow chocoholic that I am, I knew that “help” did not in this instance mean that she wanted to actually help. But rather, “Hey mom I’d like to sit on that stool and eat all the chocolate that you’ll let me.” Sympathetic to her plea, I set her up on a stool and gave her a frosting beater to lick.  But soon she was eyeing what I was doing.

I’m not going to lie, what I was doing was both interesting and delicious. I was in the final stages of assembling the Chocolate Quake Cake from Sprinkle Bakes. After baking the cake and making the frosting, you’ll have used three(!) full cups of cocoa powder. In making the chocolatey wonder, first you stack and frost two layers like any normal cake but then a third layer is cut up into random chunks and stuck it all over the entire thing. Sounds crazy, tastes awesome. I highly recommend it!

But, back to the kitchen. Jane’s stool is at the counter, just out of reach of the stove where I am working. (Not a coincidence.) Jane turns her chocolate covered face and sees the giant pile of cake chunks I’ve made, drops her frosting beater and asks if I’ll scoot her stool closer. Now I know all she wants is to get within arms reach of the pile of cake chunks which I’ve already started sticking on the cake as fast as I can.  But I ask anyway. “Jane are you going to snitch my cake if I scoot you closer?”  And she, honest girl that she is, says “YEAH!” and I explain (still frantically sticking on pieces) that this cake is for our friend and we can’t eat it yet because we are going to give it to her for her birthday.  But if she can just lick her frosting beater and hold on, perhaps I’ll have a few leftovers at the end.

Jane is two. This schpeal of mine results in nothing but the full on hysterical cry of the deprived child – for at least five seconds – before she sniffs, sobers and asks politely if I’ll move her stool closer. “If I move your stool closer what will you do?” “EAT CAKE!”  Again, we go through it, nope, can’t eat this cake, short hysterical crying, sobering, sniffles, polite asking.  “Sure, I’ll move your stool but you can’t touch the cake.” “I NEED CAKE!” And while I completely understand the sentiment, I repeated that we couldn’t eat this cake – yet. Again with the crying. Again the polite asking. Again the refusal. And again, and again.Jane crying with chocolate face

Let me tell you, I have made this cake before and I don’t remember it taking near so long to stick all those little chunks on top last time.

Eventually, I covered the cake, we called in the sisters, had a mini chocolate cake feast with the leftovers and life was good.

You know, I appreciate her honesty, I love that she asks politely even in the middle of a tantrum and I hope she keeps those wonderful qualities for life. But I just gotta think it would have been easier on us both had she just snitched a piece of cake without saying anything.

 

Perfection Pending
Today I’m linking up with Manic Mondays where Perfection Pending and others share parenting stories. Not to complain, of course, but to share the crazy!

Look At The Moon!

Me: Look at the moon girls! Isn’t it beautiful tonight?!?full moon through trees

Clara: (In her characteristic tiny voice reserved for cute things,) “Oh my God!”

Jane: (At the top of her lungs,) “OH MY GOSH!!!”

Ivy: (Dryly, after a quick glance out the window,) “No.”

 

DVD Trouble

Both of Jane’s sisters were at at birthday party so she and I were going to have a special night of our own. We had rented a movie, popped some corn and were all settled in. But the DVD had some serious scratching issues. After the third round of hopefully waiting for it to unfreeze and giving up and taking it out and putting it back in and finding our place and skipping ahead just a smidgen, it froze – again. Which is what prompted my little girl to stomp out of the room while exclaiming:

“Movie suck!Jane black and white

And I, (with the certain knowledge that such unbecoming language came from either John or myself and that if we aren’t more careful our children are only going to be fit company for drunks in backwoods bars, which they aren’t near old enough for yet) thought:

“Awww shit.”

*Sigh*

At least that time it was only a thought.Jane black and white smile

Despite all our issues we did eventually finish the movie and have a very nice night together.

Basic Clara Safety Rules Revisited

Long ago when Clara was just a crawling infant with a serious projectile vomit issue, I wrote a post outlining the Basic Clara safety Rules.

They were as follows:

1. Always treat Clara as if she were loaded.

2. Never allow the mouth to point at anything you are not willing to see destroyed.

3. Be sure of your target and beyond.

And while the projectile vomit is a thing of the past (a fact for which I have thanked my lucky stars individual and by name) I fear that the basic rules still apply.

And I, alas, forgot the rules.

I was sitting on the floor, my back to Clara,  working on a project with Ivy (Rule violation #1 always treat Clara as if she were load and never turn your back on a loaded Clara) when Clara launched herself from the bed at my head. (Rule #2 violation- clearly, my head was not something I was willing to see destroyed).  But, I had forgotten the rules and my middle daughter, with all the grace of an evil flying monkey, landed on my head and clung there.  Now, there are times when I have adhered to the “screamfree parenting” approach – this was not one of them.

The evil flying monkey/middle child was quickly removed from the back of my head and life went on. Unfortunately, life for me these last two days has consisted of two things. The necessary tasks around house (i.e. parenting) or lying flat on my back in front of the fire with a bag of peas on my neck. And, just in case you were thinking that sounded cozy, let me tell you that it is very hard to stay warm on a chilly day with a frozen bag of peas on your neck.

Thanks to anti-inflammatory drugs, frozen peas and extra rest, my head/neck are recovering from being the target of Clara. Sadly, it is likely that blogging will continue to take a backseat this week, as it is very hard to do while laying flat on my back and despite my wishes otherwise, it is not actually essential to daily life.

My bag of peas is calling and so I leave you with one final reminder, for your safety, as well as the safety of others:

1. Always treat Clara as if she were loaded.

2. Never allow the mouth to point at anything you are not willing to see destroyed.

3. Be sure of your target and beyond.