More Bathroom Trouble

Me: “Clara what’s that wet spot on the porch?”

Clara: “Oh, me pee there.”

Me: “Please don’t pee on the porch.”

Clara: “But me WUV it!”

Since it’s imperative that I never let my daughter know that her loving to pee on the porch is funny, (because then it would become a regular… err… more regular occurrence )I stifled my giggles bit my tongue and changed the subject.

The take home lesson here that I’m hoping my children do not learn is that you can get away with all sorts if you’re funny enough while you do it.

Now please excuse me I’m off to work on my game face.

If You Give A Kid A Tape Measure…

If you give a kid a tape measure she’ll want to measure the chickens.

When the chickens won’t hold still she’ll decide to measure her boot instead.

When she is measuring her boot by the flowers you might ask her to pose in front of them.

Being asked to hold still will remind her that there are flowers to be picked.

After she picks a flower she’ll need to swing it around crazily hitting herself in the face.

When she is done mangling the flower she’ll want to give it to you.

It’s possible that then her older sister will come home and when she finds the tape measure again it’ll be all fighting and tears between the two of them until you take it away.

The End

A Word From Jane

Jane’s a bit grumpy.

It has come to her attention that she is in fact the third child and her mother never takes pictures of her.

I tried to tell her that it’s because I’m always holding her or she’s sleeping,  making pictures either difficult or boring but she was having none of it. She told me she does plenty of interesting things and if I don’t start taking more photos and sharing them she’s never going to sleep through the night.

So without further ado, Jane at (almost) three months!

She laughs… …and say’s “oooo”… … has funny hair…… and enjoys a good arm chew with her sister. Now Jane, about that sleep?

The Terrible Twos

When was the last time you had a conversation with a two year old?

Has it been awhile?

Do you need help remembering some of the reasons it’s called “The Terrible Twos?”

Let me help.

First off they lure you in with their cuteness and funny comments:

Clara kisses me on the cheek before bed.

Me: “You’re so sweet.”

Clara: “Yeah, Grandpa Moose love me.”

Once they’ve got you fully buttered up with their supreme cuteness, epic cleverness and general winning personality you may make the mistake of trying to talk to them on your own terms.

Me: “Clara!”

Me: “Clara do you want breakfast?”

Me: ” Clara!”

Me: “Clara are you hungry?”

This is the equivalent of a conversation with a brick wall.  But beware, the wall has ears and just as you throw up your hands to walk away that’s when they will pipe up with The Demand.

Clara: “ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Please?”

Clara: “ME WANT OOTMEAL!……….Pease.”

Now, it would seem that an actual conversation may have been started… don’t be fooled.

Me: “Ok, I’ll make you oatmeal.”

Clara: “ME WANT CLARA OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Yup, Clara oatmeal,  I’m making it.”

Clara: “MOM, ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Yes, I know, I’m making it, why don’t you go get a bowl.”

Clara: “NOOOO, ME WANT OOTMEAL!”

Me: “Don’t scream. I’m making your food right NOW!”

Clara: ” ME NEED OOTMEAL!”

… “Conversation” continues along this vein until oatmeal is procured.”

Clara: “Tanks, Mom.”

At this point you can either fall again for the cuteness factor brought on by the relief of the return of normal speaking tone and a modicum of politeness or try to gain relief by banging your head on an actual brick wall.

Neither will help you.

Welcome to the Terrible Twos.

Roses and Noses

Clara used to put everything in her mouth, and I mean everything, if you don’t believe me read this: The Second Child

For the most part Clara has stopped attempting to eat inappropriate things, and moved on to new bad habits.

Yesterday it started with a pomegranate seed…

…in her nose.

A quick blow of the nose and out it came. I tried to tell her that it was a bad idea to put things in her nose. But clearly I didn’t make much of an impression because a few hours later she came down with a small plastic rose in her nose. Plastic roses are apparently much less comfy on the nose than pomegranate seeds. This time Clara was willing to believe that putting things in your nose hurts, and agreed not to do it anymore.

Not long after John got home from work  Storm, my camera and I headed outside for a walk.  When I was only a few pictures into my walk and barely beyond the yard I was called back into the house. Less than thrilled about returning so soon I expected bloodshed or some other equally bad catastrophe to have occurred. I walked in to find John looking slightly panicked, Jane screaming, Clara looking like she just got yelled at and Ivy sobbing in the bathroom.  That’s when I learned that I forgot to tell Clara not to put things in other peoples noses either.  A quick blow of  Ivy’s nose and another rose was produced.

John, who had been assembling tweezers and headlamps while I went for Kleenex,  profusely apologized for his panic and lack of common sense.  Feeling benevolent I decided to chalk the loss of his reason up to three crying girls. That sort of noise scrambles my brain on a daily basis and since there wasn’t any bloodshed in the house yet I didn’t think it should start over a missed walk.

Then I turned to a still sobbing Ivy to ask the question. Why? Why would you let your little sister shove a small rose up your nose?

I am ashamed to say that I couldn’t ask my poor crying daughter this without a massive fit of the giggles, and so tried to be content with the completely unsatisfactory answer of “I didn’t know what she was doing.”

Really? She got it that far in and you didn’t figure it out? Really?

Deciding that laughing while continuing to question Ivy wasn’t helping and that she had learned her lesson about allowing Clara near her nose without any further intervention on my part  I took the screaming baby into the other room.

Soon everyone had stopped crying and life was back to normal. I was left with the impression that while it’s good to be needed I’d like to be needed a little less and get out a little more.

We’ll be working on that.

I’m thinking maybe earplugs for John so that his brain can continue to function no matter the circumstances and nose plugs for Ivy – just in case.

Five Years Old

Turning five is hard work.

Going to the zoo and making monkey noises in the truck on the way home and lunch out and presents and movies and skiing in the yard and dinner and playing – it’s no wonder she could barley muster a smile for the camera.

Congratulations Ivy, you made it through your big day and even had one smile left for the camera!

Sort of.

But thanks for that funny smile,  I haven’t stopped laughing since I saw the picture!

Happy Birthday Ivy we love you and all your smiles!

Pirates!

When pirates show up in your kitchen with a list of demands there is only one thing to do…

..make the eye patch and lunch as requested.

Unfortunatly for me the pirate captain didn’t like lunch and I was informed that “It’s hard to see” with an eye patch on…

… so they made me walk the plank anyway.