Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said? XIII

It’s not very often that the sight of a three year old vigorously shaking an old yogurt container in the front seat of the truck makes me panic.

But sometimes it does.

And sometimes that panic is accompanied with a frantic scream of:

“Stop shaking the pee!!!”

Because, when getting ready to transport a urine sample for one of the cats, that’s exactly what I say.

Thank you for joining me in the latest edition of “Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said?” in which I share things that I never would have guessed,

A) needed to be said in the first place,

B) that I would need to be the one to say them and

C) that I wouldn’t just be saying them, I’d be yelling them.

I’m thinking of adding a new feature, arguments I never thought I’d be on the losing side of.

First up, why when the goal is to see the pee it doesn’t help to shake the container of urine.  While I was assured that “next time” she won’t shake it. It’s true, shake a container of cat pee hard enough and you will get to see it.

 

 

 

 

 

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House Breaking vs. Potty Training

Jane is in the final phase of potty training. If she were a puppy it would be the time when they occasionally have accidents in the house and it’s usually your fault. Because even though they ask to go out most of the time sometimes they are just too distracted so you still have to be the one to pay attention or you’ll have another pee spot on the carpet. Trip and Sunday puppies

But I was talking about potty training kids, Jane in particular. So I should say that this is the time when she occasionally has accidents and it’s usually all my fault. Because even though she goes all by herself most of the time, sometimes she is just too distracted so I still have to be the one to pay attention or I’ll have another pee spot in a terrible and ridiculous place.Storm puppy

Which is the main way potty training children is different than housebreaking dogs. (That and kennels. I hardly ever use kennels with the kids.) When a puppy has an accident it pees on the carpet. The only time it won’t pee on the carpet is when it goes on a rug but this will only happen if the rug is so large that it won’t fit into the washing machine. A phenomenon that is annoying but at least predictable.Digby puppy

Jane, has accidents in more unusual places. We hadn’t had one in two days until she crawled inside a locker at the pool.  Cleaning carpets has none of the embarrassing factors that weaving through a mass of moms and kids in various states of undress with gobs of pee soaked paper towel does. And for that, I love puppies.Trip and Sunday puppies

Another two days accident free and Jane, dissatisfied with the five unoccupied chairs, crawled onto the dining room table to play with the Legos. And then flooded it all. Pee on the table. Pee on the centerpiece. Pee on the chairs. Pee on the Legos. Pee on Jane. No pee on the please-sign-up-to-bring-stuff-to-the-fall-party-sheet Ivy brought home from school. A puppy would have peed on the carpet and then eaten that paper, saving me lots of trouble. And for that, I love puppies.

Bucky and Piper

 

And yes, of course, I love Jane too, even when she pees in really terrible places. (I’m not even going to tell you about the poop – your welcome for that.) I was even going to put pictures of her in this post but then I was having too much fun finding puppy pictures! 

 

Who?!?

Ivy, as usual, was the informer – “MOM, there is pee on the carpet” (Of course it was the carpet, it’s always the carpet)

Clara, predictably, denied all knowledge of anything.

Jane when questioned, following her older sisters teachings, blamed someone else: “It was the snowman.”

Me: “What did the snowman do?”

Jane: “It peed”

I was not about to take that info at face value.

In addition to the fact that I’ve never seen a peeing snowman this information was coming from the same girl who earlier told me that, “Dad going to shoot winter.” Jane is not the most reliable source in the household.

But, as I cleaned up the puddle, I started thinking.

I knew the cats were locked in a different bedroom.

The older girls claimed innocence that I had no reason to doubt.

Jane, a much more likely culprit, was wearing a diaper and she only knows how to get them off on her own not put them back on.

The dogs were outside.

John was outside.

I was sure I hadn’t done it…

So, who am I to doubt my little girl. Maybe Jane was right, maybe it was the snowman.

And, if there was indeed a peeing snowman in the house, of course he peed on the carpet – it’s always the carpet.

Eaten by Lions

As it turns out I’m an old slow zebra, and the rest of my family… lions.

Also, tag is not my strong suit.

My problem with tag is multidimensional. First off, I know I can’t catch John. Unless he were to fall in one of the many pitfall traps, I mean dog holes, which are hiding in the long grass (because, yes, our lawn mower is broken again but that is an entirely different story), it’s pretty much hopeless. Then there is the part where I have to seriously work to outrun Ivy. The girl is fast. Clara, spent most of the time either strategizing about how she was going to “spear” people or getting a ride on John’s back. It’s possible that she is neither lion nor zebra and instead a native hunter. Jane, the only family member of mine I might have a chance of out running was already sleeping for the night. So it was me against the spear wielding, fast running lions.

Which brings me to my second problem, the giggles. I can’t help it. I try to catch John, it’s not happening- I get the giggles. Ivy lets me get close out of pity- giggles. Clara shows me how I should spear people instead- giggles. I attempt to outrun John who is carrying Clara and fail- giggles. I attempt to out run Ivy- giggles. All those giggles lead me to my third problem.

My third problem I’ll spare you the details but it involves too many giggles while running after giving birth three times. Also I would like to say that it’s totally unfair when you get tagged while you are “hiding” behind a bush. Clearly, I was “On T” as, apparently, they say now.

All this ended with me tripping while running through the lawn with a terrible fit of giggles and having my family pile on me as they informed me that I was an old, slow, zebra and they were the lions come to eat me.

Tomorrow we are playing baseball.

Some Little Rotter

Clara tiptoed down the stairs one evening after bedtime and had this very serious conversation with John:

Clara: Dad?

John: Yes?

Clara: There’s somethin’ yellow in my bed – I think it’s pee.

John: Is it wet?

Clara: Yes.

John: Did you pee in your bed?

Clara: No. – I think some little rotter pee’d in my bed.

John sighed and herded Clara back up the stairs while I tried to stifle a serious giggling fit.

Much sooner than expected John returned with is report:

No pee.

Nothing wet.

And it was true, some of the polka-dots printed on her sheets were indeed yellow.

Three Little Rotters

Three Little Rotters

Apparently when the one more hug/glass of water/trip to the bathroom ploy failed to work Clara decided she needed to step up the creativity!

Got Cheeks?

We’ve got cheeks, what we are lacking is a proper functioning computer/internet.

Unfortunately my technical skills consist of arguing with the computer, turning it off and on and then swearing at it.

Even more unfortunately none of these excellent trouble shooting methods seem to be improving things.

Until I either expand my skill set or professional help is brought in the blog posting may be a bit sparse.

Wish me luck!

Here are a few quotable moments from the last few days that I haven’t shared due to our technical issues:

John: “How come every day when I get in my car there are fresh dog tracks on the windshield?”

Me speaking to Clara: “NO! You have to wipe with toilet paper, ONLY toilet paper.”

Clara: “…fortunately I left my shoes in the truck…”

Ivy:  Since we love Ivy I shall decline to share what she has been saying. Suffice it to say while she has been doing great at school the transition has been rough!

Jane: ” I YIA YIA YIA YAA!”

Not Quite a Weekly Photo Challenge: Growth

Today I was all set to take a picture for the weekly photo challenge. The word was “growth” and I had packed up the three girls and the two dogs and schlepped out to some public land to go for a walk in the drizzle and take photos. I had ideas, I had plans, I did not have my camera.

So instead I’d like to share a few quotable Clara moments from the day:

Clara’s response to a new pair of jeans: “These impressive!”

Clara’s response to me asking what she was dumping out of a small purple bowl and into my wire garbage can in my bedroom: “My pee!”

Clara’s response to me asking why she peed in a small purple bowl in her playing room and then carried it into my bedroom to dump into a wire basket: “I just wanted to.”

Clara’s response to me suggesting that sitting down on the wet trail to take off her wet pants (and shoes) was not a good idea as it would get her underwear wet: “That OK I just be naked.”

The only other person we saw on the trails response to seeing us walking toward him and his dog: Taking a long detour around the trail into the tall wet grass.

If she’s not a growing challenge I don’t know what is!

If you’d like to browse a selection of blogs written by people who actually bring their cameras with them when taking pictures head over to weekly photo challenge: growth on The Daily Post.