I’d like to start by saying that I believe you all when you tell me that mediation is a worthy pursuit and something I should not reject out of hand. Similar to yoga, which is also just not my thing, I believe you, I’m just not interested enough in the idea to put forth the amount of work that would be required to truly meditate. But I have been convinced enough in its merits that I have been listening to guided meditation once a day.
You see, since my concussion, I have required at least one nap a day. Some afternoons I still crash onto a flat surface and pass out because my brain is too tired to do anything else. But, thankfully, more and more often I lay down and think of all the things I should get up and go do. Which is great because it means I’m not totally wiped out. However not sleeping still leaves me a headache-y, emotionally raging mess for the rest of the day – nobody around here wants me to skip a nap. At the same time numerous people (I swear you don’t need too as well, I got the message) have told me about the benefits of meditation and because I’ve changed many aspects of my life style to become much healthier (so many veggies, almost no caffeine or alcohol, so much more sleep…) in effort to help heal this broken brain of mine, I thought that perhaps I would try it.
I was already quite certain that listening to something to fall asleep would help quiet my head enough to sleep because I’ve been falling asleep to Anne of Green Gables and the like for months. Now I’m to the point where I’ve just about run out of everything my favorite LibraVox reader has available (Its Karen Savage, she will spoil you for all other readers, you are welcome). So it seemed like it was time to try it. No problem. I would just change what I listened to for my afternoon nap.
As it turns out I was right. I don’t like meditating.
Unsurprisingly, for my husband anyway, I get super argumentative when I don’t like something. And yes, I am happy to argue with a recorded voice.
Voice: “…the full moon is shining down on you and there are thousands of stars in the sky…”
Me: “You can’t see thousands of stars when the moon is full. It’s too bright.”
Voice: ” It’s raining and everyone is happy and sleeping in the rain, …. the chickens are happy and sleeping…”
Me: ” Have you never met a chicken? Chickens hate rain!”
Voice: “There isn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun beats down on your head as you let your worries go.”
Me: ” I’m too hot.”
However, despite all my arguing with the serene voices, they have always distracted me enough to allow me to take my needed nap, often complete with dreams…
Actual nap time dream:
I’m standing at the end of a huge tunnel with a group of people – obviously some sort of resistance fighters from the way they are dressed. A soft voice echos down the tunnel, “let go of your stress… relax… take another deep breath and let it all go…”
“Don’t listen! They are trying to lull you into complacency!” screams the resistance fighter next to me. “Get ready! This is when they come for us!”
Meditation… It’s just not my thing either.