Strongly Agree

Even down here, from under this nice comfy rock where I reside, I can tell the election is coming. If I were to manage to forget the date, miss the yard signs and keep the radio off  the phone calls alone would remind me. These are no ordinary political calls either.In fact I haven’t received a single call telling me who I should vote for and why. Nope, so far all I’ve answered are survey questions. Survey questions, which I must admit, I’m pathetically happy to answer.

You see it’s like this…

Here I am home alone with three kids. We’ve almost made it through another day. Which means that I’ve answered approximately 5,00,000,003 questions. 3,000,000,000 of my answers were considered wrong by the children and resulted in lengthy repetitive “discussions” (read how many different ways can you say, “No more apple cider!”). 2,000,000,000 of my answers were never heard by the kids because they had already moved on to other things and the last three of my answers were considered satisfactory and were allowed to stand.  I’m on the brink of answering question 5,000,000,004 thinking the odds are poor that it will have a good outcome when the magic moment happens – the phone rings. A ringing phone can only mean one thing – ADULT CONVERSATION! I jump up shedding kids, dogs and dinner paraphernalia like a duck sheds water, dash to the phone and try to say hello as if I’m not grasping at a life line.

My excitement over the ringing phone had started to wane when I realized that three quarters of all my phone calls were people asking me what I think. But then I realized something. Three quarters of my phone calls are adults asking me what I think! I answer, and no one argues, screams, cries or stomps the ground. Sometimes they say things like “Really?!” which strikes me as odd and my science background is then suspicious of their results.  Sometimes I mess with them to see if I can get them to leave their script – also not good scientific survey etiquette. Sometimes they provide “information” and then ask their questions again which makes the biologist in me shudder in horror. Most of the time I just cheerfully answer their questions using their awkward phrase of choice.

After the most recent barrage of survey questions I hung up the phone and realized something quite depressing.The political season’s version of telemarketers has become my new entertainment. Standing in the kitchen already besieged by more unanswerable questions from my own personal Lollipop Guild  I immediately made myself a promise that I strongly agreed with…

I must crawl out from under my rock for a social event more often than my once a week library visit and I will never believe the results of the phone polls!

I wrote this for the Daily Post’s writing challenge of the week (of Oct. 1st) and am going with the better late than never theory. To see other responses to the challenge check out:  http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/weekly-writing-challenge-metaphor-and-similie/

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Obama Zombies by Jason Mattera

Well, it’s not much of a secret what my political views are if I read a book subtitled “How the Liberal Machine Brainwashed My Generation.”

So, if you are already offended by the title no pressure to read the rest.

Of course it may make you feel slightly better to know I don’t recommend it.

On second thought I agreed with all the content, just not the delivery, so perhaps that’s not a positive for you after all.

Oh well, strike me from the Christmas card list if you must but here goes my little review…

This was book full of interesting comments and facts delivered in a completely obnoxious way.  It had  information on how the Obama campaign was run and the excellent job they did at attracting the youth vote, stuff that I was only vaguely aware of from this rock I live under. Unfortunately the author presents it in a yelly (yes I know this isn’t a word but I like it anyway), sarcastic, rude sort of way.  It’s one thing to read a quote or a comment and hear Mattera’s rebuttal of it, in fact much of that was well done and even amusing. Unfortunately then he would start “yelling” in the book as if he were talking to that person. I’m not a big fan of being yelled at as if I agree with the “Obama Zombies,” it was a complete turn off. For instance a section titled  “Piss Off a Liberal: Get a Job, Make Money, and Be Happy” had me laughing out loud until I read: “We need rick folks, idiots! Who the hell do you think cuts your paycheck?”  That pretty much sealed the deal for me,  thanks Jason, have a nice day, and next time you write a book try not to yell at the people reading it who agree with you!

Would I recommend it? No, there’s got to be better sources for the same information.

America Alone: The End of the World As We Know It by Mark Steyn

I think my biggest surprise picking up this book was when I checked out the back dust flap, it turns out that Mark Steyn is not an old English man with thin gray hair, big ears and wearing a cardigan, as I had  pictured him.  Instead he is one of those tater tot head guys, who knew?

If you have heard Mark Steyn on the radio like I have, (hence my completely wrong mental image of him) you’ll know what I mean when I say he writes like he talks.   He  sort of reminds me of a funny, intellectual, auctioneer…that’s either the best analogy ever or really awful, someone else who knows him is going to have to help me out.

In a nut shell the book covers current events (2006) focusing on Islamic terrorism and how it is affected by demographics. It also delves into world history as it relates to demographics. For instance, the reason the English were able to run around the world creating their empire?  Demographics, they were the first to conquer infant mortality so they had a surplus of young flag waving men ready to ship out.

Would I recommend it? Yes. Unless you have a problem calling an Islamic terrorist an Islamic terrorist, then you will be irritated by the book, end up throwing it across the room and come yell at me for ever recommending it. Though before the book hits the wall I’d be willing to bet it gets at least one begrudging snort of laughter out of you!

*Despite what I’ve said this book isn’t all giggles, Steyn paints a fairly grim picture of the future, especially for some countries, like Russia, Japan, Italy, Spain, Germany…

**  Does combining Eddie Izzard and Mark Steyn threaten the stability of this blog post? Will my whole site implode from the incongruity of it all?