I’m very sorry children.
If, in the last week, you have lost life, limb or been sentenced to an eternity of floor mopping, you have my apologies.
I forgot the thing above all other things you must never do to a sleeping mother.
Do not ever touch her face!
I learned this lesson myself the day I tapped my mom’s forehead to wake her up.
It is true that tapping her head work her up.
It’s also true that to this day she yells at me for the time I woke her up by tapping her forehead.
Do not tap.
Do not gently pat.
Do not set paper snowflakes on eyelids
Do not, under any circumstances, lightly brush your fingers over her lips or eyes.
And, most importantly,
Never. Ever. Put your finger up her nose.
I can not guarantee your safety if any of these things are done to a soundly sleeping mother.
Apologies again for the late warning. I’m pretty sure that had I gotten just five more minutes of sleep last week, I would have remembered to tell you.
P.S. You should thank Jane for “reminding” me of the horror that is sleeping face touching, because heaven knows I didn’t.
In case you missed it here is last weeks Guide to a Sleeping Mother.
Sometimes, you might get inadvertently punched if you tap, touch, or otherwise come in contact with a sleeping mother’s face…
Take heed children this is true. Very true!
Children, learn to imitate the sound of a cat preparing to vomit. Parents will involuntarily leap out of bed, fully awake if not fully functional, the instant the horrid “hairball gagging” sounds reach their ears.
Excellent advice, for the kids anyway… Sounds like a mean trick for the rest of us!