Warning labels are on just about everything and personally, I don’t even read them anymore. Why? Because I did a quick run through my kitchen and I have learned that all the appliances that cook food get hot. Not to immerse any electrical appliances or their cords in water and that children should not put electrical plugs or cords in their mouths. Which leaves me feeling as though not only have I wasted my time reading all the little labels pasted on cords but that I’m actually dumber for having done so.

A look at the warning labels on children’s products and you’d think they were actually selling pretty pastel death traps.  In fact it appears that Jane was courting serious injury or death all those times that she fell asleep in the bouncy/vibratey chair and I left her *gasp* unattended in the bathroom with the fan on while she napped.

Really it’s a small miracle she’s still alive.

But she is alive and well and big enough to use the Bumbo chair.

The Bumbo of course comes with it’s own slew of warnings that could be distilled down to a simple, short, “Don’t be an idiot when using this product!” but instead take up a paragraph of writing on the back of the chair.

But what really gets me is that it’s missing the one warning that would actually be helpful. What the Bumbo should actually say is this:

Please use common sense when using this product and NEVER use with a child who has to poop!

Now that would be a useful warning.

For those of you who have yet to experience a Bumbo let me elaborate a bit. The Bumbo is a very nice foam chair which is molded just right so that the child’s bottom is snugly cradled into it. This gives the child enough support so that they can “sit up” before than can actually sit up. Unfortunately the chair is so snug and perfect fitting that when the big blast comes there is no room for diaper expansion and the poop finds other avenues. When the poop is finding other avenues it is always bad news.

The most recent escape avenue was down the leg.

Down the leg all the way to the toes.

I then ignored the completely useless warning label on the back and took Jane, Bumbo and all, straight to the bathtub. Fortunately a little label reading told me that that I shouldn’t throw my curling iron, toaster oven or coffee maker in for her to play with and everyone emerged alive despite the ever present threat of “SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH!”

Thank goodness for warning labels.