The Golf Ball Birthday

For the last two months we’ve been asking Clara what she would like for her birthday and the answer has been:

“Golf balls, all colors.”

Every time.

This kind of consistency from a girl who can’t decide what shoes she’s going to put on and stick with that decision all the way out the door- we got the hint. John and I spread the word and today the gift that got the biggest squeal was the one that also had her exclaiming: “My golf balls!!! They are all colors!!!”

Clara is now officially three years old and the proud and happy owner of at least 28 golf balls.

And because I know you are on the verge of asking, no, I have no idea why she wanted golf balls or where she got the idea. But, after today I can tell you what Clara will do with them. She will carry them around in her shirt, she will pretend to juggle them, she will “sell” them to people, she will “buy” them back, she will roll them, she will fill her new baby cradle with them and put her new doll to sleep on top of them, she will put them in bags, she will take them out of bags and before bed she will pick the perfect spot that her golf balls “want to be” before she crawls into bed herself!

Happy birthday Clara! I hope I never forget your happy squeals over your golf balls because I have a sinking suspicion that we are going to be finding them in odd places for about the next 28 years!

Did I just say what I thought I said VII?

Oct1

Let me just ask you something.

Have you ever looked at a young child while eating and thought, “Hmmm, you know what would be great? If that kid comes over here and smells my food by putting their nose directly on it. Yup, that’d make this meal just about perfect.”?
No, of course you haven’t.
Because nobody wants anybodies nose on their food.
Ever.
The End.

Clara the pirate says “Arrggh Mighty!”

But…
But.
But, we have this food smelling thing going on in our house.
You know, the thing where Clara can’t eat some kinds of food so she just sweetly asks to smell them and then it breaks everyone’s heart so everyone lets her smell her food anyway even though it’s rather odd.

That thing.

Well, now she’s becoming more demanding: “I smell it with my nose on it?”

(The answer to that, in case you were wondering is- NO.)

But, there are times when Clara doesn’t ask, and my food gets nose smelled before I get a say in the matter, which makes me less than happy.

And if a certain sweet girl happens to throw a giant fit over the fact that I will not let her smell anything else with her nose on it and I catch her in the act of nose smelling another of my food items anyway – that’s when it happens:

“YOU CAN ONLY PUT YOUR NOSE ON ONE THING OF MINE A DAY!”

Yup.

That’s me, raising children one ridiculous edict at a time.

Growing Up

Sep29

Ivy and I had a chat about what she thinks she might like to do when she grows up.

I was thinking nurse.

I was thinking doctor.

I was thinking ballerina, cowgirl, teacher, farmer, mother…

Ivy was thinking differently.

“Mom, -this is the very best part -when I get older, I’m going to drive your cars. Aaannnnd if you let me drive your cars…. I’m going to…. live with…. YOU GUYS!!!!”

Fortunately she missed my look of horror as she threw herself into my arms for a gigantic hug.

I’m pretty sure that in a few years she’ll change her mind all on her own.

But, just in case, nobody tell her how my debit card works, alright?!
Sorry, I’m afraid my computer and I are still have disagreements so you’ll just have to pretend that there is a super cute picture of Ivy here!

The Nap Monster

Sep24

One minute there I was lining up an afternoon of cooking and preserving and the next -wham!- the Nap Monster got me and I was out for a time better measured in hours than in minutes.
These attacks have become a reoccurring issue. You see the problem is that I have a tendency to travel deep into nap monster habitat, completely unprepared for attack. After lunch, I take Jane and we lay down in my bed together to nurse her before nap time: it’s warm, it’s cuddly, it’s the afternoon, it’s Nap Monster habitat if I’ve ever heard it. And my packing for this trip through Nap Monster habitat – it never helps. I’m just not prepared to fend off the Nap Monster with the supplies I bring for my trip. In fact I can’t think of a single instance where my book, my pillow, my sweat pants and a nice big blanket ever really helped me hide from the Nap Monster.

The trouble is that I unabashedly love the naps. Afternoon naps with a baby have been my favorite since I discovered them in 2007 and I’m afraid the number of available opportunities is dwindling. In fact next time Jane and I dive into Nap Monster habitat I might just give him a big “Hallooo” and let him know I’m coming – just so I don’t let another opportunity pass me by.

Got Cheeks?

Sep19

We’ve got cheeks, what we are lacking is a proper functioning computer/internet.

Unfortunately my technical skills consist of arguing with the computer, turning it off and on and then swearing at it.

Even more unfortunately none of these excellent trouble shooting methods seem to be improving things.

Until I either expand my skill set or professional help is brought in the blog posting may be a bit sparse.

Wish me luck!

Here are a few quotable moments from the last few days that I haven’t shared due to our technical issues:

John: “How come every day when I get in my car there are fresh dog tracks on the windshield?”

Me speaking to Clara: “NO! You have to wipe with toilet paper, ONLY toilet paper.”

Clara: “…fortunately I left my shoes in the truck…”

Ivy: Since we love Ivy I shall decline to share what she has been saying. Suffice it to say while she has been doing great at school the transition has been rough!

Jane: ” I YIA YIA YIA YAA!”

Observant

Sep13

Right now, at this very moment, on our desk we have:

cd’s
blank cd’s
blank DVDs that have never been used
two library movies
a cutting mat I used three weeks ago and never put away
junk mail
real mail (sadly bills)
the thingy that the real mail is supposed to be in
all the other junk that is actually in the thingy the bills are supposed to be in
a dictionary
a pencil
a one dollar bill
an external hard drive
one headband
some blue circular thing with weird wire in it that John attempted to use to clean out pipes in the bathroom
a nail clippers
two empty glasses
a computer monitor
the keyboard
the mouse (not a real one- phew)
speakers
a check book
a FarmTek catalog
dirt
the six CD holder thingy that is for the truck
a wedding invitation to a wedding that has come and gone
the remote for the radio
a few of Ivy’s worksheets from school
health insurance information
a small pink lamp with a white lady on it
a crayon drawing by Clara
a painting by Clara
miscellaneous cords to plug miscellaneous items into the computer
one Mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrapper wadded up into a small ball

Today Clara looked at the desk and said: “Mom what you eatin’?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Clara points to wrapper: “Noooo, what that from?”

Busted.

Some could look at this situation and think – “Man, that lady sits at her computer surrounded by a gigantic mess and eats peanut butter cups while her kids are sleeping and then tries to deny it.”

John will no doubt look at this situation and think: “A WRAPPER!?” (He hates wrappers not thrown away. I have trouble getting them to the garbage. It’s an issue.)

But not me.

I look at this situation and think – “Wow, Clara has got some excellent observation skills!”

The First Week

Sep12

It’s the big question of the week:

How is school going for Ivy?

Ivy will talk your ear off on her own terms, (Please take extra note of the on her own terms.)but unfortunately what she has done at school, what she may be doing tomorrow and what she is supposed to do with things brought home in her folder are not things on her agenda to talk about.

This leaves me with a very vague idea of what she’s doing, if she’s liking it and (on a memorable second day of school) if she has any homework that needs doing. All this makes everyone’s favorite question the week a bit hard to answer.

I feel I can say with confidence that in her first week of school:

-In math they counted to three (no opinion given – just a fact).

-In music they hit a drum one time ( no further information or emotion forthcoming).

-They did a bunny hop (not the dance) in gym (I got a demonstration of this so I think that was a hit).

and

-She had to sit on the red part of the rug one morning (she definitely hated that).

All other stories of the week have been of a highly suspicious nature:

Me: “Ivy how was your bus ride to school.”

Ivy: “Good, I saw a loon and an owl. Isn’t that exciting Mom, those are you favorite birds!?!”

She can be a sweet girl – not informative, but sweet.

What I do know all about is what the other girls in her class are wearing.

I hear about the girl in her class who’s wearing brown boots, jeans with sparkles, a purple shirt and a pony tail… the reports come complete with eye and hair color.

So I listen to my little fashionista (who’s current favorite footwear is mismatched flip flops) and attempt to insert appropriate comments into her fashion review of the day.

As I continue to hear about the fashion world of Kindergarten I keep hoping that one day, if I keep paying attention, she may divulge just a bit more than the color shirt of a girl on the bus.

One day.

How is school going for Ivy?

I have no idea – but she keeps willingly getting on the bus so I think she must be having a good time!

Chicken Love

Sep10

How is your day?

Are you as happy as a kid nuzzling a chicken? Or do you feel more like an over loved chicken?

First Day of School

Sep4

Today was the big day- Ivy’s first day of Kindergarten!

After months of tears and worries Ivy woke up bubbling with excitement and practically skipped her way onto the bus.

Clara on the other hand had been woken up extra early by Ivy (not a parent sanctioned event) was tired and sad that her big sister was leaving her. While I wouldn’t go so far as to accuse Ivy of being so prone to teasing and torturing her sister that I would say Clara’s tears at the end of the driveway caused Ivy to so happily depart on the bus I’m thinking that they didn’t hurt her mood either.

John, a tearful Clara and I waved goodbye to Ivy and headed back inside where Clara discovered something.

Ivy was at school.

Ivy was not at home.

Released from the control of her older sister who rules like an evil but well loved dictator Clara had a new phrase:

“Ivy at school so I…

…sit in her chair.”

…use her paint.”

…pick out Dad’s shirt.”

…let out the chickens.”

…get the eggs.”

Clara’s sadness at being left at home lasted about an hour and then she had a great day being the biggest sister in the house!

Ivy came home full of stories about her first day and manically overtired.

They are both looking forward to tomorrow. Sounds like a successful first day to me!

Your Dog…

Aug27

John: “Your dog.”

Me: (Thinking: Oh crap, what did he do? Kill a chicken? Chew on a chair? Steal breakfast off the table?)

John: “Your dog…”

Me (Thinking: Oh it was really bad… He killed all the ducks? Ate a recliner? Got into the office and pulled all the books off the shelf trying to get at the dove?)

John: “… has the manners of a goat.”

Me “What did he do?” (Thinking: Crap! John says goats have no manners. My dog and I are in trouble – what did he do?! He peed on John? He marked the inside of the house somewhere? He ate the cat?)

John: “Look at my car!”