Lullaby Litmus

When I was very young my Grandpa sang “Go Tell Aunt Rhode” to me at bed time.

I can’t say for sure that this hampered my singing ability in the opposite way that one says playing classical music to infants will enhance theirs. All I can tell you is that not even my Granny’s lullabies could outweigh the effects of the rest of the family’s singing and my innate lack of musical ability.

Well meaning people try to convince me that I exaggerate and that I must be a fine singer.

They are wrong.

All that being said, I also have children.

Which means that, they have been, or are, babies. Babies require lullabies, which means that I, their mother, need to sing.

So I sing.

The songs I choose to sing to my kids have one criteria – they must fall into my lowish, five note range. A range, that I have discovered, could be named the “drunken, dying range.”

I sing songs about, dying of sickness, and drunkenness, horses falling through the ice, dying at war, drinking whiskey, drowning, and people who have gout. Not your average nursery themes.

Unorthodox as the songs may be my singing, like my Grandpa’s, puts the kids to sleep. Whether it’s the soothing sounds of our voices or self defense is still a subject up for debate.

Written in response to Prompts for the Promptless – Episode 8 The Litmus hosted by Rarasaur and accidentally published before final editing due to a slip of the thumb -sorry!

Some Unsolicited Advice

My brother and his girlfriend are having a baby boy this summer. Tonight as I look at my house full of three girls I am excited at the prospect of having a nephew to spoil and bursting with unsolicited advice.

As an expecting mother, all three times, the thing I hated most was the random, unsolicited, advice foisted on me by friends, relatives and complete strangers. So, as an aunt to be, I am keeping those thoughts firmly behind my teeth. I will not initiate conversations involving my favorite diapers and blankets. I will wait to be asked before I share my thoughts on co-sleeping, breastfeeding and strollers. I will not warn anyone away from scoffing at crusted food on high chairs, misbehaving children, and odd bedtime routines for fear those words will come back to haunt them. I will not spew phrases like “Life will never be the same.” and “Treasure every minute.” Actually, I don’t have to fight to keep those in. I would never say that. I hate it when people tell me that. Some minutes are meant to be lived and promptly forgotten. In fact I had more than my share of those minutes today which brings me to my unsolicited advice that, despite all that I have said, I am now about to foist on you.

Don’t ridicule the amount of baby blankets you will collect. The fuzzy, the small, the large, the quilted, the knitted, the ugly, and the cute – you want them all.

I suspect every parent to be looks at the mound of baby blankets they receive and wonders why on earth something so small needs so many. But, they will. Your job as expecting parents is to welcome those blankets with open arms, because, eventually, you will find yourself in a situation where you are ever so grateful that you have acquired 5,789 baby blankets.

Just as a not so random example I can tell you that one small 15 month old can puke on nine blankets in one short afternoon.  But if you have another 5,781 blankets left the only laundry you have to worry about doing is your own four shirts, two rugs, the three towels while still having plenty of spare blankets available to make it through the night.

Also, when looking at that mountain of fluff you will receive it is important to keep in mind that not all baby blankets will stay baby blankets. Some will graduate out of baby hood with their owners and still grace their beds. Dolls, puppies and various other toys and animals need many small blankets and they are indispensable when it comes to tea parties and picnics. Once that happens you’ll be glad there are still 1,890 blankets not currently in circulation if a younger sibling should happen to join the party.

So, what I’m saying is that when baby blanket number 2,456 comes your way, don’t do like the rest of us poor misguided souls did and roll your eyes. Be nice, say thank you, and add it to your stash with a smile.

Love the baby blankets.

Embrace the baby blankets.

And if by some twist of fate you only end up with 3,098 just let me know I think I may have an extra one I can spare.

Ivy’s Favorites at Six Years Old

Ivy, what’s your favorite…DSCN1081-(4sm)

Color – pink

Animal – Lion, because of Henry. (The name of the lion at our local zoo.)

Food –  pizza and macaroni and cheese

Clothes – orange dance pants (Which on “orange day” at school she told me that she hated orange and would never wear those pants. Of course on “pink day” she wouldn’t wear pink so I think it’s less a problem of clothes and more of contrariness. No idea where she’d get that from….)

Dog – Poodle because they are so puffed up and fluffy. (Hilarious and terrible all at once!)

Cat – Fiona (I think I have to throw this question out, I’m not sure my girls know any other cats anymore.)

Person – You! – and Dad.

Thing to do – Sing songs.

Thing to do outside – Go to the playground.

Chore – Play with my sisters. (…was the answer after the biggest groan a six year old can muster.)

Time of day – afternoon

Place to go – Michigan

Song – Better Dig Two (Band Perry) and White Horse (Taylor Swift)

Flower – Roses and Daffodils and Tiger Lily’s

Farm Animal – horse

Thing about school – math (Possibly she’s not my child an actually a cunningly disguised alien.)

Friend – Mallori, Gabby and Natalie!

Movie – Elmo (???)

Thing to do with Clara – Play with fairies in the fairy gardens and play with barbies.

Thing to do with Jane – Feed her. (True, the kids fight over who gets to sit next to Jane and give her food during dinner.)

Thing to do with Dad – Get ready for school.

Thing to do with Me – Watch a movie together. (This was clearly wishful thinking, Clara has been sick and watching movies and Ivy is going green just thinking about all the movie watching time she’s missed.)

Book – The Belly Button Book (Sandra Boyton wins again!)

Meal -Breakfast (HA! You’d think she’d be willing to eat during her favorite meal!)

Thing to do in the car – Color in my binder. (That would be the binders I put together for the kids when we went to Kansas that we now pull out for any longer car trip. Best. Idea. Ever. It came from here: gluesticksblog.com Just be sure to add dry erase markers, they make it all extra fun. )

What do you want to do when you grown up? Be a mom.

Anything else? – “I have another favorite animal! Unicorn!”

This is the third year of Ivy’s favorites and it’s interesting to see what the few answers are that haven’t changed. Her favorite color is still pink, Natalie is still her friend and Fiona is still her favorite cat. I can hardly imagine what next year will bring!

Ivy’s favorites 2012

Ivy’s favorites 2011

Mr. Penumbra’s 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan

Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour BookstoreA excerpt from A.A. Milne’s The house at Pooh Corner sums up my feelings on this book quite nicely:

…”Christopher Robin tried to teach it to me once, but it didn’t.”

“What didn’t?” said Rabbit.

“Didn’t what?” said Piglet.

Pooh shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he said. “It just didn’t.”

Would I recommend it? It started out really promising, I thought I would love it, I thought I was loving it… and then, in the words of Pooh, “It just didn’t.”

Clara’s Favorites at Three Years Old

Clara, what’s your favorite…Clara in chicken coop

color – I like…. My favorite color is ….blue. (I didn’t know I was starting with such a tricky one!)

animal – Not bad animals. Not bears. I don’t like bears, lions or tigers, I only like… um…. elephants.

food – oatmeal (Ever in the history of the word has any child said their favorite food was oatmeal?)

clothes – pajamas (Most mornings she tells me “It’s pajama day!” so we can wear our pajamas all day long.)

dog – Trip

cat – I don’t like cats because they scratch me. (If you’d like to see why check out The Life of a Cat Clara is in the top right photo.)

person – you

thing to do – play games

thing to do outside – Play snow fairies. (Then Clara looked outside where we have very little snow left.) No, not that. Play spring fairies!

chore — Doin’ the ducks and the chickens. (Which means helping let them out/in, collecting eggs and feeding them, I’m still working on her water hauling abilities.)

time of day – I like when I stay up late. (Yes Mom, I can hear you laughing from here.)

place to go – To the park!

thing to do on the park – Go on everything.

book –  Short books , going to bed book. ( I shall translate that into The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boyton)

thing to do with Ivy – Play momma and darling. (My least favorite thing they play. It involves yelling “Mama” and fake crying.)

thing to do with Jane – Tickle her.

thing to do with Dad – Read books.

thing to do with me – Watch you make stir fry. (Sorry Clara, stir frying is one of the few things in the kitchen that I hate having helpers for.)

friend – Liberty

movie –  three little pigs (A short leapfrog video that I have heard so many times that parts of it make me want to beat my head against a wall, yet I haven’t just gotten rid of it. What’s wrong with me???)

thing to do in the car – Play with our fairies.

song – Rock-a-bye Baby (I think she thought it had to be a song she knew how to sing and her repertoire is limited.)

flower-  daffodils

farm animal – ducks

And then I asked the bonus question…

What do you want to do when you grow up? – Sleep in your and Dad’s bed. (As if she doesn’t end up there by morning half the time already!)

I rephrased and explained what I meant by “grow up” many times  and the new answer was – Help you feed your goats.  (Which I don’t have, but I do talk about getting some someday. Good to know I’ll have help if it ever happens!)

As always it was an amusing experience! You can look back and see how they have changed from last year here: (Clara’s Favorites at Two Years Old). Many of Clara’s answers have changed in the last year but I’m glad that blue is still holding on as a favorite color!

Evil or Genius?

Yesterday after dinner I came up with my most brilliant mothering move ever.

As I handed over Ivy’s chocolate Easter bunny as a reward for a clean plate I said: “Just so you know you should always let your mom eat your chocolate bunny’s ears or it’s bad luck.”

Ivy: “What do you mean bad luck?”

Me: “You’ll never find your Easter basket next year if you eat your own ears, you have to let your mom do it.”

Ivy headed back to the table chocolate bunny in hand looking thoughtful and unconvinced but moments later she was back, presenting me with her bunny so I could eat the ears for her. As she took her ear-less rabbit back to the table she explained the situation to Clara and I was gifted with another set of ears.

The Easter bunny had splurged, those were some damn fine chocolate ears.

I figure if I can keep this up for the next few years I’ll have them brainwashed before they start thinking about it too much and I’ll have three sets of chocolate ears to look forward to every year.

It could be pointed out that my girls are smart and may start questioning this “bad luck” thing. But, I would in turn point out that there are few depths that I wouldn’t sink to for some good chocolate and I have a direct line to the Easter Bunny – we can make a basket very hard to find.

Full of my great scheme (and chocolate) I told John what I had done and he called me all sorts of rotten names and threatened to out me to the kids.

Later a friend who had witnessed the brilliance of my bunny ear munching told me she was very impressed.

What do you think? Was this the most genius chocolate ear stealing scheme ever, or am I an evil chocaholic who knows no boundaries?