Category Archives: Uncategorized

Alfresco Dining

Tonight we dined alfresco.

It was a beautiful evening and  so long as I could forget about why we were dining alfresco I had an enjoyable dinner.

But it’s hard to really enjoy the moment when you know that the reason you are at the picnic table is because earlier in the day roughhousing kids broke your kitchen table. That’s right the kitchen table, and if you are like us the kitchen table is the table which leaves us with the picnic table and crossing our fingers for nice weather.  Thankfully the weather was nice when I went to serve lunch, unfortunately I had used the picnic table to stand on when I painted the clothes line posts, never moved it back and it was still way in the back of the yard. As I walked all the way out there with two plates full of food I stepped in a hole that my rotten dog dug that I’ve never filled in and hit the ground with food flying. (Leaving me, as my mother pointed out, wishing I had filled in the hole long ago. My procrastination tendency and horrible lawn maintenance are long standing bad habits that I’ll tell you about some other time.)  So that, and the fact that table breaker number two pooped outside next to the table, (Another long standing bad habit that I’m trying much harder to break.) convinced me to drag the picnic table back to the house. Then as I was dragging the picnic table I stepped in the same g-d-hole as before except this time instead of throwing lunch on the ground I threw myself on the ground with a picnic table on top of me.

*sigh*

So, I picked myself up, made sure all my parts still worked, thanked my lucky stars no children heard my thoughts on dog holes and picnic tables, made a mental note to fill the holes (which in case you are wondering I haven’t done yet) and got on with fixing dinner.

Fortunately the too-young-to-wreck-tables kid has an infectious giggle…

…making it far easier than one would guess to forget about a rotten day and enjoy dinner!

Now perhaps when I’m done icing and elevating my foot/ankle/leg/oh-my-goodness-don’t-ever-fall-in-a-hole-under-a-picnic-table I should be back to walking normal and I can go fill in those holes…

…perhaps.

A Moment To Remember

I was sitting with a group of people all of whom were having a beer to drink when Ivy popped up at my shoulder with a glass of water.

She whispered in my ear that she went and got it for me because she didn’t think it was very nice that everyone had a beer when I couldn’t have one. She thought that I should have something to drink too, so she got me a glass of water.

It’s a moment to file away and remember so that next time I hear, ” I DON’T LIKE YOU AND I DON’T LOVE YOU!” I can pull it out and realize that I must be doing something right.

Look Before You Sit!

John, having been raised in a home where he was the only male, is fantastic about always putting the toilet seat down. This is a habit I have always appreciated and admired in my husband and for years I have not had to worry about what sort of condition I might find the toilet in.  But this morning my complacency almost lead to catastrophe. I need to remember that now I am in a home that is raising three girls and I must look before I sit.

You just never know who might have used it last!

The Kiwi Crate Blog

When visiting my blog you’re much more likely to come across a muddy kid, a dead animal, or a sleeping dog than any sort of crafting post.

That’s because I sort of hate crafting things with my kids.

I know it sounds horrible, but I justify my reluctance with the fact that I’m more open to it than John, who if given his way would throw out all the crayons in the house.  Of course Ivy and Clara love it when we (read I, the crayon-hater does none of this) set up any sort of crafting activity for them.  And that right there is the problem – the set up.

First I have to have an idea. I’m full of ideas, ideas for animals to raise, home improvement projects, dessert, kiddy crafting ideas… not so much.  Fortunately, thanks to the beauty of the internet, I can use other peoples’ ideas.  Believe me, if you’ve never done a little web surfing for kids’ crafts, I’ll just let you know that there are approximately seventy bazillion crafty blogs out there to choose from, all with fantastic super-cool crafts.   Just be careful because at least one bazillion will make you wonder, if these authors can make and decorate their entire home with the help of their smiling children (whom they have taken beautiful step-by-step pictures of)  why your big accomplishment of the day was to get everyone’s hair brushed.  Then, if by chance I happen to actually have all the needed supplies for the super-cool craft, (and brushed hair) I have to find said supplies,  set it all up, get the kids engaged and then finally finishing whatever it is because the kids get bored.  So there I am (with my brushed hair) sitting at the table by myself with a gigantic mess wondering why I bothered.  Needless to say a fun afternoon of crafting is not really my kind of afternoon.

Enter Kiwi Crate.

Kiwi Crate is a website that sells a monthly subscription where your kids get a crate in the mail with themed projects in them. Sounds awesome right? I agree, but we don’t do that. What I do do is follow their blog, and my very favorite part of the Kiwi Crate blog is Tuesdays, because Tuesdays are two ingredient Tuesdays. Crafts and activities that involve two common items, now that’s something I can wrap my non-crafting head around. Often it’s just something small to keep a kid briefly entertained , like putting a penny in a balloon. But that’s great because I have pennies, I have balloons and it will take me 45 seconds to put them together and if they hate it (which they didn’t, it was a huge hit) there is very little to clean up. Cookie cutter tracing was another big hit for the girls and today we added crayons to hot rocks for some melty fun. While today’s project was a bit messier than I normally undertake, I have crayons (because John hasn’t won the anti-crayon war yet) I have rocks and a bit of a mess was alright on a rainy afternoon.

The blog also has tons of other ideas, involving more than two items.  We’ve made marshmallow launchers and frozen toys in a big block of ice for excavation on a hot day and done some salt painting – all with stuff around the house. So, while I continue to figure out how I can justify the expense of the awesome sounding monthly crates (Damn Dave Ramsey, again!) I’ll be a regular reader of the Kiwi Crate blog. The girls are loving it, I’m enjoying it more than I would have guessed and the crayon-hater…  he’s hopeless!

Leaving You Hanging

Here is how all my phone conversations have gone this week:

Me: Hello!

Other Person: Hi, What are you up to?

Me: Watching the Olympics.

Other Person: Where are you?

Me: At home.

Other Person: What?

Me: We borrowed a TV.

Other Person: Really?

Me: Yes. Now I have to go swimming is on!

My other conversations go like this:

Other Person: Hey, why is there nothing new on your blog?

Me: I’ve been watching swimming in the Olympics, did you see… (blah, blah, swimming, swimming, blah, blah, excited, excited)

Other Person: Ummmm… no… (changes subject)

Sorry to leave you all hanging but John and I are having a fantastic time ruining any sleep we might otherwise be getting and watching all the swimming on our borrowed TV! Now if you’ll excuse me John is home and it’s time for me to go jump up and down while I rub in the fact that I saw the very exciting final of the men’s 100 free already (and the girls 200 fly and the 200 IM’s and did you see the girls 200 breast semis!?!)  and he hasn’t!

Still Talking Smart

If you don’t remember the family rivalry in the Pewaukee Triathlon two years ago I invite you to go back and read up on it, you’ll find it under Talking Smart in the archives. Two years later and the competition and the smart talking are still going strong!

I was unable to make it around the lake to spectate at the Tri-Allegan Triathlon but I was able to convince Uncle Weasel to be my first ever guest blogger and share the story:

This year’s Tri-Allegan Triathlon featured an epic battle between young and old, man and woman, athletic prowess and wily experience and cunning.  It may go down in history as one of the greatest athletic events of all time.  That being said I must report that my team, Team Old Guys finished in a solid 4th place.  My swimmer, Scott  pared 30 seconds off last years swim time but died coming out of the water and couldn’t muster much more than a walk across the beach and up the hill to transition.  But then again he’s a swimmer not a runner.  Marty the runner is the closest to a rock star as there is on the team. He just plain flies and uses himself up on the course….he also spends a lot of time using himself up during warm-ups.  I’m the old guy on the bike and even though I’m due for knee replacement in 2 weeks I was determined to hold up my end of the bargain.  To boot I had made a small wager with the local chief of police (10 years my junior, 50 pounds lighter and 2 good knees). My bike time against his bike time, loser congratulates the winner publicly in the local newspaper.  Maybe not so smart but if you talk big you gotta back it up, right?  I trained over 550 miles getting ready and was determined to at least beat the chief.  I found myself getting my game face on minutes before the start and who should pop out from behind my friend Mel (Mel is a big guy and easy to hide behind) but my little sister Mary.  I was shocked to say the least and stunned to see that she was in her “skinny pants” with a timing chip on her ankle.  She was in the race!!!!

Now it was time for a quick team meeting and a recalibration of race strategies and goals.  The old guy’s mission is to BEAT MARY!!!!!!

Scott swam like a torpedo, I biked as hard as I could and when something let go in that right knee at mile 11 I kept going, Marty ran like the wind.  All of us with one goal. BEAT MARY!!!

Now you have to understand I put together a team 2 years ago to beat Mary and she edged us by 2 minutes.  On that team I had a University of Wisconsin Stevens Point Athletic Hall of Fame swimmer and a svelte, fit twenty something runner and we couldn’t do it. But Tuesday night a bunch of old guys gave it all they had and we beat Mary by a decisive 4 minute margin!

It just goes to show, don’t cut us Old Guys out, she may be younger and fitter but us Old Guys are CRAFTY!

Excuse me now while I go write a letter to the editor.

 


Dear Jane

Dear Jane,

You just turned seven months old and have discovered that the world is a big place, full of things that need to be explored and tasted. You haven’t yet mastered crawling exactly where you want but you can roll, and wiggle your way backwards and around in all sorts of circles. Despite everyone telling me that I’ll regret it I keep encouraging you to crawl. You are so interested in everything, too busy to even eat when we visit new places or when things are going on around you and you are so close to crawling!  You get up on those knees and rock back and forth – soon, very soon you’ll get to where you want to go.  I’m sure the dogs water bowl is top on your list after discovering how fun it was the other day and I’m prepared to clean up the water spill at least a half a dozen times before it starts to drive me nuts, but here is the thing. Right now you are teething and still getting over the end of a nasty virus. So, when you are almost asleep you don’t need to reach out and touch the wall/chair/book/bed/door you can just relax, they will all be there when you wake up.   And when your little body hits the bed it’s not necessary to roll onto your belly and pop up on your knees like a funny little jack-in-the-box. You are so very cute smiling away, showing me once again how close you are to figuring it all out but right now you need your sleep and there will be more time when the sun comes up to try again. I promise.

Love,

Your Mom

OH SH–!

I try to watch my language in front of the kids, and I’m getting better at avoiding most of those taboo words… except for sometimes. Sometimes things slip out that shouldn’t and while Ivy never was much interested in any of the slip-ups Clara has an uncanny ear for them. While this is, of course, never good I do maintain that there are situations in which those words are, if not appropriate, at least capable of giving some measure of relief and satisfaction to a bad situation.
For instance lets say you were working out, and that the baby was happily bouncing away her in doorway, bouncer, thingy for the entire time. When you finish up and go to release her from her jumpy prison you are all smiles because you are so happy that she was so happy while you actually got a chance to do something for your self  and then you see it – The Accident.  The Accident that came running down both legs and puddled on the floor.

“Oh fiddlesticks!”

Nope, that just doesn’t cut it for me in a situation like that. Nor does “Darn!” really convey the complete feeling of dismay that is appropriate when the discovery is made that at least part of the reason she was such a content baby was that she was learning how to finger paint – with the portion of The Accident that came up her back.  And when you discover that the rest of the reason she was so happy was because of the fun she was having  squishing and smearing of mess between her toes…

Well other words just might come out – hypothetically of course.

And hypothetically if an older child is near by you might just hear, “What is shit Mom? What is shit?”

The Expedition

Once upon a time a family friend asked if we wanted to buy their Expedition from them.

I said, no that’s silly.

I said, we have the Explorer and even though it is missing things like a parking break, air conditioner, fifth gear and it has seven million gazillion miles on it, (I’m just approximating here, the odometer was broken and it was on it’s second engine) we just got new tires for it and it works fine.

I said, besides, when we go on trips we can always put the two kids, the two dogs (one of whom is a Great Dane) and the two of us in the Taurus.

I said we are FINE.

I realize this all looks like sarcasm but let me assure you that this was truly what I said- apparently I suffer from bouts of insanity. John was not suffering from insanity and said something along the lines of – “You are nuts, they are giving us a really great deal, go look at the truck.”

So I looked at it.

I said, it is too big.

I asked, why do we need so much room?

I said, the space is weird head space that is no good for packing things in.

I said, I’d rather save my money and save up for a giant pick-up truck.

The non-insane member of the household won the debate – we bought the Expedition.

Fast forward two years and here is the inside view of the truck on the way home from a family gathering last weekend:

John and I are in the front, the floor by my feet is full of stuff. The girls now take up the entire back seat and the floor by their feet is full of stuff. The back has the two dogs in their kennels around which is the rest of the stuff that didn’t fit by the girls feet and way up on top of it all is a pet carrier with a little hen chicken with her nine chicks.  Amazingly we could still see out the back window, which was handy since we were also pulling a trailer.

I admit it, I was wrong, the truck is great. It’s a perfect size for a family of five, plus two dogs and assorted livestock to travel in. John can “I told you so” until the cows come home on this one. Of course if we had a diesel, crew cab, pick up with a manual transmission and eight foot bed (and while we are dreaming let’s make it red) we’d have lots of room AND it wouldn’t smell like the inside of a chicken coop all the way home. This is a fact that makes John grumble about money and responsible spending and Ivy look at me like I’m the crazy person that I briefly was when I didn’t want the Expedition.

One day as we were driving Ivy was looking out the window and telling me which cars she wished we had and what colors she wished they would be. Then she asked me what kind of car I wished I had,  I responded that I didn’t want any kind of car that I wanted a giant truck like Uncle Tyler. Ivy looked at me in the review mirror with astonishment and asked, “WHY???” So I excitedly told her all the reasons I wanted a big pick up truck. All the great things we would be able to do with it, the places we’d be able to go, all the people, dogs, livestock and stuff we would be able to haul with it, and what did my girl do? She looked out the window pointed to one of the new smart cars, (you know. the two seaters about the size of a giant soda can,) going down the road told me that was the kind of car she wanted.

It’s funny, I remember giving birth to her, and yet there are times when I just can’t believe she’s mine…

Ivy and I will have to save up our pennies – lots and lots of pennies- for our dream vehicles. Maybe one day she can call her Mom when her soda can (I mean car) breaks down and I can bring it home in the bed of my truck for her. But until then we’ll drive our Expedition because, bouts of insanity aside, it’s just about perfect for right now.