Tag Archives: kids

The Swing

The Swing

by Robert Louis Stevenson

How do you like to go up in a swing,
   Up in the air so blue?
Oh, I do think it the pleasantest thing
   Ever a child can do!

Ivy on the rope swing

Up in the air and over the wall,
   Till I can see so wide,
Rivers and trees and cattle and all
   Over the countryside—Jane on rope swing

 

Till I look down on the garden green,
   Down on the roof so brown—
Up in the air I go flying again,
   Up in the air and down!

My Children Are Bats

My children are bats.

Bats with extraordinarily advanced echolocation systems.

This is the only explanation I have for their unique locating system. Namely that when they yell “MOM!!!” over and over again they walk straight to me, whether I answer their call or not.

This will be helpful if I ever become lost in the wilderness and someone thinks to ask my children to help find me.

Which is a fact I will try to keep in mind next time I’m trying to carve out a solitary five minutes from my day.

"MOM!"

“MOM!”

Note: Please ask my children to help find me if I become hopelessly lost in the wilderness.

Love and Sloppy Joes

I made my kids sloppy joes.

This is a big deal.

This is an act that fully demonstrates my unending devotion to the little demons I have spawned.

Because sloppy joes are terrible.

I first discovered the terribleness of sloppy joes as a kid. Strangely enough it was shortly after I discovered that I liked sloppy joes. I, super picky eater of a kid, had just deemed them an edible food when I visited a friend and discovered the terrible truth.

All sloppy joes are not created equal.

Some of them are nothing more than a nasty mash of ground meat in tomato based substance (which I found palatable as a child because it was basically meat and white bread) but many rotten mothers hide vegetables in their sloppy joes. That’s right, vegetables hidden in what was thought to be delicious food. My faith in sloppy joes was shattered and never recovered.

But my hatred of making sloppy joes stems from more than just my childhood betrayal.  The real problem with making sloppy joes is the ketchup. It may be Un-American of me but I really hate ketchup. It’s not just that I dislike eating it. I’d really prefer not to smell it or have it touch me, or anything else within a 20 foot radius of me.

I seriously hate ketchup.

But I have girls who love ketchup. If they had their way everything would come with ketchup. Fortunately, they don’t have their way, they have my way. Because, in the monarchy that is our household, the queen refuses to deal with ketchup unless absolutely necessary.

This has resulted in a “sure kid, you can have ketchup with your hot dog but you have to be the one to touch the bottle and then you have to rinse your plate off when you are done before it goes in the dishwasher because I’m not getting near that evil substance” sort of policy.

I hear ketchup is made from tomatoes, I don’t find this to be at all plausible because tomatoes in all forms are quite palatable. Ketchup is not.

But…Ivy found a recipe all on her own for sloppy joes and asked nicely.  I shuddered as I read the amount of required ketchup and went to the grocery store for buns.

Because that’s how much I love my girls.

Then, because I do so love my children and regularly force them to eat things with asparagus and onions, I braved the ketchup and made them sloppy joes (without hidden veggies, because if I was going to make the stuff they were going to eat it!).

They looked nasty, they smelled worse, they brought back horrible memories of sneaky vegetable filled sloppy joes and the girls ate them all up and asked for seconds.

I cringed scooping up another sandwich but consoled myself with the knowledge that I had really showed my children how much I loved them, making them something special yet repulsive to me just because they are such good kids. Clearly this batch of slop should earn me extra special mom points and…

“Could you put extra ketchup on mine?”

What?!? Seriously? After all I’ve done!?!

I delivered the bottle to the table and backed away as Ivy applied more ketchup to her sandwich. Then Jane asked for ketchup, and a banana.

Kids, give them an inch and they try to take a mile. Clearly Jane was unsatisfied with the level of devotion I was showing and she’s going to stay that way.

The only food item that can compete with the horror of ketchup is the banana.

I love my children so much I made them sloppy joes, but there will be no bananas in the house while this queen is still ruling.

 

 

Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said? XIII

It’s not very often that the sight of a three year old vigorously shaking an old yogurt container in the front seat of the truck makes me panic.

But sometimes it does.

And sometimes that panic is accompanied with a frantic scream of:

“Stop shaking the pee!!!”

Because, when getting ready to transport a urine sample for one of the cats, that’s exactly what I say.

Thank you for joining me in the latest edition of “Did I Just Say What I Thought I Said?” in which I share things that I never would have guessed,

A) needed to be said in the first place,

B) that I would need to be the one to say them and

C) that I wouldn’t just be saying them, I’d be yelling them.

I’m thinking of adding a new feature, arguments I never thought I’d be on the losing side of.

First up, why when the goal is to see the pee it doesn’t help to shake the container of urine.  While I was assured that “next time” she won’t shake it. It’s true, shake a container of cat pee hard enough and you will get to see it.

 

 

 

 

 

Problem Solver

Jane looked at me, strawberry ice-cream ear to ear and neck to nose and said, “Mom, will you lick my nose off?”

Unperturbed with getting “no” for answer she took her sweaty little hand, smeared it all up and down her face, over her nose, held it out and said, “Well, then will you lick my hand?”

Then, still un-bothered by my refusal to lick anything, promptly wiped off her sticky hands on her car seat, gave me the half eaten, and now unwanted, ice cream cone and ran off to play.Jane at the top of the slide

 

So you see, it’s really not so bad that I forgot the napkins.

I was just helping Jane exercise her problem solving skills.

Clara’s Favorites at 5 Years Old

Clara what’s your favorite…clara in sunglasses

Color – Blue- that’s easy!

Animal –Cats

Food – Bratwurst, on the grill. (With no bun and lots of ketchup for dunking.)

Clothes – “Dress with circle-y star thingy and blue pants.” (You got that, right? Let me help, a black and white tied dyed dress with dark blue leggings.)

Dog – Rosie at Grandma Mary’s, but at our house Trip. (My dog wins again!)

Cat – Gypsy (Gypsy starts purring when she realizes I’m going to lift her up and tuck her in with Clara at night. Once she’s tucked in you can hear her right across the room!)

Person – Lola

Thing to do – Eat popsicles. (She wants to eat popsicles even when it’s freezing cold and nasty outside. We do not see eye to eye on popsicle eating.)

Thing to do inside – Watch Doc McStuffins. (Once. I think she’s watched that here once. I think her favorite thing to do is run around the circle that makes up the bottom of the house, chasing her sisters and her friends and screaming every time they see each other. Or it just seems like it because of the loud factor.)

Chore –Feeding the cats. (Clara is a very good cat feeder. Apparently it’s because cats are her favorite animal. Good thing I ask these questions so I figure this stuff out.)

Time of day – In the night time. Because sometimes at book club we get to see your friends. (Guess who just hosted book club?)

Place to go –Grandma Pat’s- even on Halloween. (I have no idea what the “even on Halloween” refers to. Grandma Pat got them all awesome costumes last year and I hate Halloween. It should say especially on Halloween! But you know, she’s five, so maybe that’s what she meant.)

Song – Bursts into song “Cows go white on the mountain tonight, not a cow to be seen, a kingdom of isolation and it looks like I’m the cow…” (And for the uninitiated yes, that was Let it Go, with Cows.)

Flower – Strawberry flowers AND pansies.

Farm Animal – giggle giggle Cats. Nope, weirdos. Just kidding cats. (So, cats then, definitely cats.)

Friend – Lola

Movie – Ok I’ll tell you my favorite movie now. What’s it called… What’s it called, the movie Jessie. (We had to come back to this one before she would grace me with an answer. Jessie is a TV show and while I can’t say I dislike the name it’s a pretty crap looking show. All I can say is that she doesn’t know about it from our house.)

Thing to do with Ivy –  Play American Girl dolls. (This is the year that Darling and Mamma games finally died HOORAY!!!)

Thing to do with Jane –Play Minnie Mouse.

Thing to do with Dad – Pick apples! (They both like climbing the trees!)

Thing to do with Me – Clara: “What do you think? We do it in the greenhouse lots of times.” Me: “Plant seeds?” Clara: “Yeah! or pot plants!”

Book – I have two favorites, the Boxcar Children that we are reading right now, (Surprise Island) and Ulysses and Flora (A hilarious chapter book by Kate DiCamillo that we are half way through and all loving!)

Meal – Dinner

Thing to do in the car – Drive. Insert shit eating grin. Play on my drawin’ board.  Eat breakfast get in the car and go with our stuff. (She’s a girl who likes road trips!)

What do you want to do when you grown up? – That’s an easy one! Go in the Rodeo!!! (I have it on good authority that she’s not interested in bull riding. Phew!)

Anything else? –Nope.Clara

And that wraps up the girls’ favorites for the year! Clara has had some very amusing answers in the past but her answers at four are a personal favorite of mine:

Clara’s Favorites at Four Years Old

Clara’s Favorites at Three Years Old

Clara’s Favorites at Two Years Old