My Jolly Father-In-Law

We knew each other for fourteen years, yet never made it to a first name basis.

Perhaps it was that visits between us were rare or perhaps  it was that when fine dining, city living and classical music meet frugal eating, farm life and tone deaf, at least one party is left smiling and nodding no matter who leads the conversation.

But I always knew who it was when the phone rang,

“Hello! This is your Jolly Father-In-Law!”

Once it had been established that “Curly” was at work, our occasional evening conversations would meander.  We’d take turns nodding and smiling over the airwaves and I could picture him in his high backed chair, drink ever present at his side, as I heard about fantastic places to eat in cities I’m unlikely to visit. I would pick up the house as we talked, in my turn sharing a few ridiculous stories of life in the country. There would often be a few moments of bonding over a shared Finnish heritage and then with a final question over when John would be home, that would inevitably be forgotten, he’d be off.

No, we never used first names but that doesn’t mean I’d forget my Jolly Father-In-Law.

George Stevens

 

George Henry Stevens

October 24th, 1935 -March 25th, 2014

 

Who?!?

Ivy, as usual, was the informer – “MOM, there is pee on the carpet” (Of course it was the carpet, it’s always the carpet)

Clara, predictably, denied all knowledge of anything.

Jane when questioned, following her older sisters teachings, blamed someone else: “It was the snowman.”

Me: “What did the snowman do?”

Jane: “It peed”

I was not about to take that info at face value.

In addition to the fact that I’ve never seen a peeing snowman this information was coming from the same girl who earlier told me that, “Dad going to shoot winter.” Jane is not the most reliable source in the household.

But, as I cleaned up the puddle, I started thinking.

I knew the cats were locked in a different bedroom.

The older girls claimed innocence that I had no reason to doubt.

Jane, a much more likely culprit, was wearing a diaper and she only knows how to get them off on her own not put them back on.

The dogs were outside.

John was outside.

I was sure I hadn’t done it…

So, who am I to doubt my little girl. Maybe Jane was right, maybe it was the snowman.

And, if there was indeed a peeing snowman in the house, of course he peed on the carpet – it’s always the carpet.

The New Keyhole

In our old house there was a door to a bedroom that, at some point before we arrived, had it’s doorknob changed to one of a different style. The “fix” left behind a small circular hole that was fantastic for checking on sleeping, or potentially sleeping, kids. As an added bonus every so often I was presented with some cute photo opportunities.
This house, however, has nice sound doors with door hardware attached as it was meant to be and no gaping holes.

A feature that, I will admit, disappointed me far more than a woman should be disappointed when looking at nice hole free doors in her nice new house. But then I noticed that some of the doors do have old fashioned keyholes in them.

And if I line it up just right…

Jane through keyhole

 …I can still catch a glimpse of what is happening inside.

m.o.t.h.e.r.h.o.o.d.

Did you know motherhood actually stands for Millions Of Terrible Horrendous Evils Roused Her Out Of Dozing?

Previous to children, I would say my worst waking up experience was when my Dad slowly dripped cold water on the face of my morning hating, teenage self. And, sadly, I deserved it.

Then motherhood happened – it turns out that’s not even close to the worst way to be woken up.

Here are just five of the millions of terrible horrendous evils that will wake you up that I have discovered since becoming a mother:

1) The sound of a crying child anytime within the first hour of sleep. (Things in the Night)

2) The movement of the sleep crawling baby that’s about to dive off the end of the bed. (The Disease Part III The Sleep Crawler)

3) Having a small child gently touch your face. It sounds innocent, it’s not. (Nnnn…ummm… OK.)

4) A small child’s finger stuffed up your nostril.  (This is the most terrible way to wake up ever. Ever. But when Jane did it to Ivy in the car I about died laughing.  I might be a terrible person.)

5) The words: “MOM THE FREEZE POPS AREN’T FROZEN ANYMORE!!!” ( Just Imagine)

Recently I learned a new terrible phrase to wake up to.

The new horrendous phrase was delivered by Clara in an irritatingly cheerful voice:

“Mom, you’re going to be disappointed you have to clean this up.”

It was a phrase so evil in it’s possibilities that it panicked even my still asleep brain. So, while flashing through the many terrible scenarios that might be awaiting me, I clawed my way to consciousness while mumbling, “Whaaat?”

Clara answered me with a smile: “I barfed in my bed. I was just petting Cassey and then she scampered away.”

I listened, deeply regretting the fact that John was already gone for the day and didn’t move. She wasn’t in the barf, the cat was smart enough to leave the area, nothing was going to get any worse than it was if I just didn’t move for two more minutes.

“Mom, why aren’t you getting up? Jane already put a blanket over it!”

I got up.

It didn’t help the day.

Later Clara accidentally almost killed the same cat, (we now know that we don’t tie ropes around our sisters’ necks OR the cats’ necks) Ivy came down with the virus the rest of us had that I thought we were done with and Jane went to bed with the cries of “I WANNA COOOKIE!” still ringing through the house.

Perhaps the day was the result of the universe getting even at me for laughing at Ivy, or perhaps it’s just m.o.t.h.e.r.h.o.o.d..

Thanks to Perfection Pending for hosting the Manic Mondays blog hop, click on the button below to see more or join in!

Perfection Pending

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Last night, long after the girls were in bed, I went to bed myself and started reading this book.

I stayed up finishing this book until the clock showed numbers which I refuse to admit to anyone for fear my husband, who watched me “help” this morning, have actual facts and not just suspicions as to the extent of my sleep deprivation.

I have spent the afternoon within the fog of the book – lines, characters, events and ideas rolling over and over in my head.

Would I recommend it? Yup, this one swallowed me whole.

Memory

Behind me I hear a rustling noise.  Already scared, I turn my head up toward the darkness…

But that’s all the further I can trust my own memory.

In my mind’s eye, I can see through the shadows at the top of the stairs to a wooden door with a small circular hole for cats to climb through cut down low.

I believe I saw a dark dog’s nose poke through that hole,  just for a moment, before disappearing again.

I know from stories that the dog rustling around in the upstairs of the barn belonged to my uncle.

Sometimes I think I can remember the blur of him, black and white, headed down the steep wooden stairs toward me.

But I have no memory of my own of hitting the cement floor of the barn between the rows of cows.

Then fragments, strong arms lifting me up, the glow of light through the side of a blue feed cart, a wooden handle.

Is the memory my own, or simply what my brain imagined after hearing time after time of the dog knocking me down the barn stairs where I had been set to watch, safely out of the way, while the cows were milked?

Beyond the fear and the noise in the darkness I can’t say.

But for years, long after the cows were gone, I would pass below the old wooden stairs in grandpa’s barn and glance up, with just a hint of fear, through the dim light to the door with the little round hole.

The Time Change Killed Her

You remember her right, my darling Clementine? She is lost and gone forever and it was the time change that did her in.

What a dreadful sorrow.

There she was in a nice routine, driving her ducklings to the water every day just at nine, when someone up and changes the time on her.

I can’t say if the ducks staged an angry uprising at the change or if she really did hit her toe upon a splinter in her fuzzy sleep deprived state. But, either way, I’m certain it was the time change that did it. And there she was, drowning in the foaming brine.

What a dreadful sorrow.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Don’t be ridiculous, that song was written long before Daylight Savings Time ever existed.” As to that, I say clearly the song was written by a benevolent time traveler attempting to warn us of the dangers of messing with the clock.

Have we listened? No.

Are you regretting that this morning? Yes.

What a dreadful sorrow.

 

Date Night In

Two months ago I shared how we have date night at home.

This weekend we deviated from our normal dinner date night and instead our night consisted of a short  Les Mills Body Combat workout followed by roasting marshmallows and chatting by the wood stove.

fire

Did you know that if kids aren’t “helping” you can make roasted marshmallows without charcoal stuck to them? Or ashes? Or dirt? You can just cook them into a golden gooey perfection.

Amazing.

How about you, have you had a date night in?